On the cliff at home

I dont pray much these days... I dont know what there is to pray for...

The howl was beautiful and it gave me a sense of closure and peace... Jerry would have wanted us to celebrate his life not mourn it and he would not want me sulking at home, hiding away in darkness...

But he is everything to me still and he always will be... My friend, my lover, my husband and father to my unborn child...

I dont know what it was with Jas, how he can walk back into my life like that... Into my soul...
Well I never healed from what happened. But I am glad we talked, glad we are on good terms...

It was nice just to be close to someone again and forget all the sorrow for a second...
I cant help but to sit her with the rose in my hand looking from that to the ring and back.
I am afraid that I have left myself vulnerable because of all the hurting.
Would he take advantage of that? Would I let him?
I dont love him like that anymore... That was a long time ago, but I did feel very deeply for him and I dont think that has change even though I fear I can never let myself fully trust him again... Never let my guard down like that again.

Suddenly the house holds all the memories of both and I sit hear and I am afraid to sleep.... to dream for what will great me in my dreams?

A day of celebration or mourning

It was so hard telling his parents the sad news and his mother was as sweet as ever, they all were and they shared all their love and sorrow with me like I was their daughter in law.

They told me that with Jerrys actions I was indeed now and would in their eyes always be a Walker, and Jeromes wife.

I am scared to think if my suspicions are correct... Can it be? Did Jerry leave me with the greatest gift of all? I am scared to hope but the thoughts of a little piece of him being left behind. A small new star to shine in his wake... A child with his smile and the twinkle in its eyes...

My heart sores with the thought but i am still afraid to hope...

Ohh Jerry I miss you so badly it hurts

Why did you have to go and die?
I don't want to have to say goodbye.
The light must have seen how special you were, to take you away
but couldn't it have waited for another day?
A new bright star has been born now,
High, high up in the sky.
Up there where all the angels lie.
You wouldn't have wanted me to make a fuss,
After all, you're still down here with all of us.
Just because I can't see you, doesn't mean you're not here.
I know you are somewhere very, very near.
I love you so much but it time to say:
Goodbye My Love
Because your life here has come to an end.
Rest in Peace...

Long overdue

I know I have not prayed for a long long time but I have been so busy and well not much has happend, with Jerry in Pandaria so much and me needing to devout myself to my studies for a time...

But then Jerry surprised me at home... Ohh how I have missed him and he had so much to tell me about Pandaria. I love hearing his stories and maybe I will go with him one day to see it for myself.
Just sitting by the fire and talking and cuddling up.
We both have our lives for now but the things he now is talking about sent shivers down my spine... words I thought I would never hear him say.

My heart is pounding even still as we lay in each others arms, the moonlight falling over his bare strong chest. I will never be able to put into words how much I love him.
I don't mind that he is away a lot cause I know he is always there if I need him to be.

I told him all bout Starlight getting back together and he was excited and a bit anxious about meeting them all again and he was unsure if he would leave the Sole Circle because he is really good there.

My Jerry... Or miss Walker? And a girl? He seems to have been doing a lot of thinking when he has been away. And here I was worries if he would find another.. Silly me...

He brough me a little Pandam a little girl and I just love her to death but as I told him we are gonna need a bigger place soon with all these animals he keeps bringing home... Home!

A home with him? Well I could think of nothing better... Sadly he would be home only a couple of days but I will make the most of it with him. And in the morning I'll go to the church and tell Sister Brianna that I will be away for a couple of days so we can spend them together.

He said we should go to the campsite and he would make his rabbit stew and watch the sunset...
It is our place... It always has been...

My love
My Jerry

Winter solstice

It has been very slow the last couple of weeks... Jerry have been away much only seen him at the guild trips. It has been hard and i have missed him more than i thought possible.
Without him near it feels like i am missing a part of myself... I try but i can't fend of that bad feeling of this being the last time i see him and if he comes back he will no longer be mine.
I really do not want to keep him home by my side... I don't understand this nagging uncertainty.
But as soon he is back and i am in his strong arms every shred of doubt evaporates like dew in the morning sun.

We got a new office a couple of weeks back... One in Surwich and one i Stormwind. We went to see the surwich office and on my way there i ran into a dwarf Murnan. He was nice and i invited him along as he seemed interested in the ways of our group.
He is some kind of game hunter like Jerry so they quickly hit it off. They started drinking and i don't know how Jerry thought he could outdrink a dwarf, but he got wasted and needed to be put to bed and sleep it off. I rented a house for the night as a bed in the inn was not really my cup of tea and well they had a house for sale their so i payed well and rented it for the night.
I am unsure what happened to Walter but he got all tiny and went into his worgen form. Shan became all nuzzling and he was indeed very cute like that but it was obvious he didn't see the cuteness of it all.
When i turn and look to the bed where Jerry was sleeping, he is suddenly gone and we all run around looking for him... We find him by the seaside getting some fresh air.
We sit down with him and talk all together. Ally comes along with Aylian as well. Jerry goes to bed after a little while and i choose to follow him soon after.

We also had a trip to the old ruins of Ahn'Qiraj it was very interesting to see the place, but well i know understand why Jerry hates bugs so much.. they were everywhere and so many of them and some with almost human like features. Think i need to read some of the old lore about the place.

I was visiting pap at the cemetery one evening, when suddenly Jerry is there... As i said earlier dew evaporating in under the sun. It was so good to see him.
I feel how i have missed him all the way to my core... I have been trying to forget my longing for him hiding it in training... But Sister Brianna knows whats going on with me and keeps telling me to get my head out of the clouds and focus and concentrate.. She says it will either be or not, so no need to run around like a headless chicken.

Jerry and I ran into Reike in Stormwind , she was walking around yelling, trying to attracted people to their cause. Seems she is still skeptical about magic in any form.
Well we actually talked and when we left for the recluse she joined us later with Jay, he seems quite nice and friendly, Reike was mostly just watching and throwing comments from time to time.
It was a slightly weird evening but Jerry wanted to come home with me and it was nice to just fall asleep in his arms again.

We had a trip to Darnassus it was so beautiful there. We had a large thanks giving dinner and a drink an inn. I managed to persuade one of the elves by the sabers to sell me one. He said i could if one choose me. Jerry and Allyissa told me the elves rarely sold the sabers to nonelves.
I was pretty overwhelmed and scared as Allyissa told me about the choosing.
But as i locked eyes with Jem i knew... She was the one i felt right about and if she did not choose me i would want no other.
But she picked me and we have been together every day since... I have keept her away from Stormwind cause i think it is too crowded for her liking but she seems to enjoy the planes of Westfall much.

The winter veil party with the group. We meet at the dwarven inn in Stormwind and took the tram to Dun Morogh, where Walter has the whole in festivly decorated and food and drinks everywhere.
We were enjoying ourselves and Walter set up a firewirks display as well. It was very pretty.
Jerry and Barney had a snowball fight... Barney is somewhat of a jester.
As it became late i got a strange and overwhelming sense of shadows pressing in on my mind trying to reach that dark place i have use so long to hide away after my last breakdown.
I needed air and ran out luckily it seemed no one noticed.
Aylian came out looking for me and in her outfit i walked in with her to keep her from freezing to death.
We played truth or dare but it was mostly soberly, though Barney dare to Walter having him play his romantic feelings for me was uncalled for and pretty lousy because he knows i am with Jerry and Shan and Walt have just gotten marriage.
I needed to go home, my head was spinning slightly and the headach had not subsided.
I wanted Jerry to stay cause i didn't want him to feel obligated to come with me but he said he would rather be with me than anywhere else. It made my heart swell and become lightheaded in a very good way. He took me home -on a flying raindeer- that was indeed something but the feel of beeing pressed against him as a sat before him between his arms over shun everything.
When we got home and well the long trip had awakened my longing for him.
But i needed to ask him about that trip to his parents and we are still going for the winter veil.
I had him wait outside as i changed into the outfit i did not dear to wear in front of others and went out to him... He liked it... VERY much!
When the sun peeked over the horizon we fell asleep in each others arms, whispering promises and wishes into the night...