A trip to Tenaris

It has been some trip to say the least... I think Jerry liked the new bathing suit i have been working on as i find the bikini i had laying around slightly to small and revealing.

Barney came with an elf, she reminded me very much of Kalanthe... well until she spoke... Kalanthe could seem so rude but also so wise. This elf appeared younger of mind and much more ignorant of the ways  of men as she have not been amongst humans much. But she was nice and it has been a while since i have had a sensible talk with another woman.

The first night there was mind blowing so unlike anything i have ever felt before... It is like every time we are together it becomes... more... more of everything...

We went to some abandoned place out there because Walt neede to look for some things. Vilkas came along with Walt, Jerry and myself. Was exciting... I think i will try to learn more about glyphs and deciphering and such.

I went back to Stormwind but the others seemed to linger for a while.

I meet with Aylian at Mirror lake and we had a very nice very girly talk... Then we find out that sly dog to Jerry had been listening in... I could have just killed myself...
I know i have told him most of the things; my dreams; what he means to me and such but this was different... and all my childish dreams will just sent him running for the hills at some point...
It was a relive to know that Aylian has some of the same dreams as myself, makes me feel less foolish...

I think i will have more talks with her... Without Jerry...

He said he would come later... cant wait to be in his arms again... i cant ever get enough...

Back in Westfall

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, a throbbing moment...

But it still feels like it was always meant to be... That we were created to be together, to be fore each other...

Last night was wonderful yet frightening.
I meet with the others at the Heart a little late, had been sleeping in and used a lot of time practicing with the bow. I really enjoy using it and at some point i will ask Jerry to take me hunting...

Jerry had been out exploring all day and he came and told us he had found a strange light by some titan ruins. We all went to see what he had found and it was indeed a great light. Jerry ended up falling into it and we discovered it was a portal to Un'Goro. I was so frightened when Jerry disappeared into the light, but luckily for the ring i gave him i could reach him and know he was alright.
That was a very expensive gift but it has been worth every coin i had scraped together. Thank for Starlight for giving me the stone that gave me the idea for the ring.
But Jerry came back safely...

There was this large crystal near the portal and Jerry ended up chipping of a piece to bring back with us but i am still unsure is that was a good idea as there seemed to be something with that crystal... It was pulsating with some kind of radiant power.

When we walked back i came to think about the dream i had last night but i was not sure if i was ready to be with Jerry after what happened in Stormwind.
But i could not help but to tease him a little, whispered in his ear...
SO when we came to the Heart Jerry pulled me away... I cant describe in words how we are together but it can still take my breath away to just think about...

It was nice to just sit and talk, about everything... I was glad that he had not been with as many as my mind was playing around with but that he has been with Aylian like that i am not to fond of, though his reassuring was indeed convincing...

I am very excited about meeting his family but also scared to death... Why has he not brought anyone else home? It is kind of a pressure... But also it makes me happy to think that he will take me.

I just need to cool down a little i am letting my feelings run of with me... I just cant help it... He is so wonderful in every way possible, so attuned to my feelings and always thinking of me when it comes to me being happy.
Though i told him that it was a little hard on me when he dosent think about what he says to other women...

I don't mind him flirting i just don't like it when i am there unless if remembers to compliment me equally... I am silly i know but after Jas i just need to be reasured that it is me he wants and not someone else...

I love how open we can be with each other... no secrets but still privacy that we can still have each our own lives beside our live together.

It was nice to see Walter being so sweet and caring towards Shan, she really deserves that...

I fell asleep in Jerrys arms under the palm tree, didn't take until we were flying on Crash over Westfall. He had carried me in his arms, wrapped me in a cloack and brought me home...home how can he not have a home? i mean he will always have a home with me... but that is not HIS or even our home.. it is mine... I know he is a free spirit but a home for me is my safe place.. my nest and my sanctuary... Indeed home is where the heart is and so it will be with him...


- the light protect him and keep him safe when i cannot.

The camp in Sholozar

It was a slightly weird day today... When i came from the camp after my bow practice, Shan came all distressed as Walter had gone missing somewhere in The Storm Peaks with Jerry. We quickly flew up there but found them at a camp near Ulduar. The weather was terrible, so good thing i always carry my backpack or i would have frozen to death. But Jerrys presence can warm me so even Icecrown would not be able to get me cold.
 Walter wanted to go search the ruins of the titans and one could not blame him.
But it all went bad when the blizzard almost took me of the edge of a bridge... It would have sent me to my death at that hight. But we got back safely to the base camp.
 Barney found us up there... He seems very nice but hard to approach, i sense that there is something that is troubling him.

We went back to the Heart to relax and Aylian joined us. I don't know why i keeps nagging at me, the things Jerry says to her because i am not sure he even knows what he is saying at times and i really don't think he means anything by it, so i should stop letting it put me down.

I don’t care how hard being together is, nothing is worse than the thought of being apart...

We went to bed early... unsure if something is wrong cause i think it is the first time Jerry has wanted to go to bed early. We cuddled up all night. Just laying in each others arms. I could not bare to move after he fell asleep afraid i would wake him. I don't think i will ever get enough of just watching him sleep... My murlock man!

River's Heart

No matter where i go, I will always find my way back to you. You are my compass star in the dark of night.

These days in Sholozar has helped get past what happened in Stormwind. Jerry has been right by my side when i get start to feel the pain. Always reassuring me that he will be by my side.

He was a little sad that i had not called for him when it had happened but i think he understands why i could not.

He has been around me most of the time being his usual charming self, making me laugh and have a good time. But he has also been so very affectionate, finding flowers, taking me around to see the breathtaking sites, showing me the forest animals.

I have been training with the bow when i have needed a little solitude and Jerry has been with the others. I am getting quite good at it, so maybe there was something to what Jim said... that i was a natural?

I can't quite seem to get Walter, when he gets all weird. Running around like a headless chicken... He seems to go almost crazy... And it is hard to watch the distress and pain in Shans eyes. She is so nice and when Walt is "himself" they are the perfect couple.

When we traveled here Jerry took us to this small Murlock settlement. It was wonderful to see his joy being around them and the murlock babies where SO cute.

They are rather fascinating when they are not trying to kill you...

The Heart is really a paradise, the thundering waterfalls, the crystal blue lagoon, the lush vegetation and the humid climate.

Was slightly embarrassing being in so little clothes around all those beautiful women. They perfect sculptured bodies and little awkward looking me.

It was awkward to talk about Thom in front of Jerry, but he could never be a rival even if he would come around to try...

I am really not looking forward to going back to Stormwind again but i need to face my demons at some point... As long as i don't hear -that- voice again... I hope i will be fine...


- The light protect me from my fears and keep us all safe

At the camp

I just cant go home... How will he react? I don't want him hurt and we are going on that trip tomorrow with the others... don't want to spoil that either...

It had been ages since i have been at the lighthouse, but it seemed the best place to hide.. after what happened.
I don't know what do about it... The bruising and such are almost gone, my healing has sought to that. But the images are still so clear in my mind, the smells still so strong in my nostrils. There are only so much my light can heal...

I can't do anything about it so no need to get anyone hurt... But how could this happen and almost in the middle of Stormwind?

It will be a relive to get away from it all tomorrow with the others... getting my mind on something else...

Will be good to see Jerry again, i have missed him terribly and its only been two days... But will i be able to look him in the eyes?

Suck it up and move on all there is to do about that... I am stronger than this... I need to be...


- The light... ohh whats the use
I feel my own cracks, the shatters, the insanities of dislocation in myself, how can i be so broken and he only sees perfection? As long as that is how he views me i will not crumbles into broken pieces. His is the one that holds me together and i can not lose that...

In his arms

I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn’t something about you at all. It was just you... And tonight has only emphasized that.
Tonight was ecstatic... Your words made my heart swell... If that day ever comes... Ohh by the light, i will be in eternal bliss...
But i am afraid my words scared you. I just hope you understood that i will never chain you... i will never hold you back... If you want the same as i one day, then you shall be the one to choose it.

All i want is to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with.
The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head.
I want to be the one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them.
I want to know every curve, every birthmark, every shiver of your body.
I want to know where to touch you, I want to know how to touch you.
Yes, I do want to be your friend... I want to be THAT friend.

We lost ourselves on the terrace... We succumbed to our desires... to our love...
You set my soul on fire... But you’ve slipped under my skin, invaded my blood and seized my heart...

As we walked home i could not look anyone in the eyes feeling that everyone saw... everyone heard...

And now laying here in your loving embrace. Your hands on my naked skin. Listening to your heartbeat and feeling your sweet hot breath in my hair.

I have never loved you any more than I do, right this second. And I’ll never love you any less than I do, right now...


- the light let this moment never end, let the moon stay in the sky and keep the sun asleep, for now i know what true bliss feels like.

A starfilled night

The darkness in Nagrand had its reason... found that out tonight.
Jerry had been in trouble in Westfall... But he did right by saving that poor child...

It was hard in winterspring... the fear of loosing him but its a learning process and i trust him completely.
I would never hold him back and well i like cumming along as well, seeing the world.

I can only trust in the light to keep us all safe and that my meager skills in the ways of healing can help if anything goes south...


It is good to learn of my own limits and where i need to train harder... Sister Brianna tells me to take it slow... to not force what she thinks comes so natural to me.

But i cant wait anymore... what is some of them got really hurt and my skills were not enough?
How could i live with myself if i could have made a difference but was to weak?


Well i will train alone as well...


Think i will ask Jerry for that hunting trip when we get to Northrend, think there is a lot of game there.
But i should also maybe have him help me a little more in my fighting skills, cause that is a thing that has NEVER come natural to me.


First time he has gone home before me... It almost weird walking home and knowing he will be there?






- The light give me strength to stand tall with the others, the power to protect them and the wisdom to use it well.

On my way to the cathedral

Yesterday was such a mix of feelings...

It all started when i came from the cathedral. We were all going on a trip to Winterspring and i was really looking forward to that. The i see this young girl selling gloves and i remember i have forgotten mine at home. As i talk with her i get this feeling inside that she needs to be with us... There is something wrong... She holds another destiny.

My radio is weird again so i Ask Jerry to talk with Walt for me and he lets her come...
It was some travel but the portal in Rutheran helped.

By the light it was much colder than i had remembered over there. I had to call upon the light to keep me warm. At first that was not a problem...

Walt leads us into some old elven ruins... haunted... I could feel their dark spirits crawling under my skin always drawn towards our life sparks... But Walt and Jerry do good to protect us... Wish i was more of a fighter and could be of more help...
We found a lot of nice things in the ruins, even some gems. Ejlah would not take hers so i told her i would. I will keep them safe for her until she gets to terms with being a free woman... They are hers after all...
Then the trees started to attack... i was knocked of my feet by some wind storm they conjured. I saw one of them trying to cast a spell on Jerry... i reacted almost on instinct... I called upon the fires within the light just like i had done with Sister Brianna in Outlands and lounged it at the tree. I did not take it out but i disupted its spellcasting long enough for the others to take them down...
After that it was hard holding onto the warming light and the blizzard became stronger... As i was pulling Jack the Yak along i did not see that we lost Jerry.

We made it to the goblin town my light nearly quenched along with my strength... Ohh how i had forgotten the toll of using the light like that... I need to train me stamina more when it comes to the light.

Ejlah was as cold as ice when we got into the inn so i used up what left of my flame to warm her.
After that it got a little hazy... I remember that i wanted to run out and find Jerry but Shan stopped me, i was to weak to fight her at that point... I cried out for him and the necklace must have activated... Cause he answered... And knowing he was alright and Walt was getting him i went willingly with Shan inside again...

Good thing Shan stopped Ejlah from going as well, she would not have survived the storm in that dress but she was so brave for trying to do something...

I don't remember much for a while then before Jerry is holding my kissing me with icy lips... If had had any light left i would have given it to him...

The hot chocolate helped on my strength and Jerry being beside me did as well... He strengthens me somehow...
Ohh and i got my first pay... don't care for the money but it makes me feel like a real part of the group now.

We went back to Stormwind... Reike was there... I am still having a hard time around her... unsure of everything... and this anger towards her... why?

Well hope it will be better... that i can forgive... i know it is in my nature... then why is it so hard right now?

I needed to get some to bed could hold my ground much longer... I didn't want to spoil th others night so i just snug off with quick goodnights.

I needed Jerry when i got home and the images he had put in my head by the pond did not help... I called for him and he came as soon as i asked. He told me i was silly that today had been nothing, heck even the westfall trip had been worse... But i could have lost him.. That was why i needed him so badly...

To be in his strong arms having him whisper that everything was alright and that he loved me... It pushed the darkness away... and all that was left was the desire to be with him... feel him...

We have been very consumed by desire and slightly wild together together until now but this night was different... I think he was glad that i was alright... his eyes as he looked at me... The feel of his strong arms around me... his soft caressing touch running along my burning skin... the gentleness of his kisses on my body... the feel of his soft lips against mine... The light save my soul... cause my heart is lost...
It was intense in a way i have never felt before... more deep... the promises we whispers in our passion was only for the night to hear...
Our bodies melting together.. giving way for our soul to touch... It felt like in a dream and my head was spinning like after to much wine... 

Wonder what he meant about westfall...?


- By the light I was prepared to love you, but i never expect anything of you.. anything like this...

Under the apple tree in the moonlight

I really hate tequila... but i think i got some respect downing all three... Well drank a lot when i was on the run, to hide the pain and sorrow... Why do we do that???

I has been a fun night... Firstly i ran into Walter and him inviting me to join the white shirt... they drinking and hitting on girls club... should i be flattered or insulted i wonder...

No matter it was fun... we ran around like lunatics hitting on everything with a pulse but failing badly every time... they could use some pointers...
But it was all in jest no follow through on anything...

And when the evening ended Jerry followed me home even after i stated that he did not have to leave the guys, he could just come later.

It was a hot night and i am quite sure my bed needs some medical attention but i am terrible with a hammer and nail... It is nice just sitting her cooling down... think i should go take a swim but it is really starting to chill from the north though the hot water from Stranglethorn still mingles in front of the house... Think ill go have a dip and then go and snuggle up to Jerry all wet and cold...


- The light guide my steps and keep him safe

At home in bed

Ohh by the light my head feels like it is going to explode... What happened last night? Ohh right, the talk with Shan about Whalt just brought back so many bad memories... God thing i held my ground when Whalt came and found us, as i was ready to take it all out on him... But it is not my place to meddle and Whalt really seems like a nice guy...

Well Aylian seems nice as well but so insecure of herself and what she has to offer, maybe that's why she uses her body the way she does? To cover up what lies beneath, so afraid that people would not like what she is... inside... Poor woman

I still think it strange about that bite mark and i don't really believe her when she said she thought i said feral instead of feline... i don't know much about animal bites so i could be wrong... and why was it a secret... making me swear not to tell? Well my paranoia sure has its ideas but again it is not my place... I am scared by my path and sees ghosts every where i guess.

... well okay it was not all just about Shan and Whalt.. i know... But the thought of him calling her that just made me feel so insignificant. I don't care what he has been calling girls in the past.. I just hope he doesn't use those words about them... now?!
She is SO beautiful and what am i compared to that, i saw her almost naked and that a body a simple little thatchers girl from Westfall could only dream about... I did not see her "HOT" legs though but i am sure he is right... everything else about her looks is perfect.

Ohh right that woman Miss Kate i think it was... strange i actually think she was hitting on me? never really understood that whole woman desiring another woman... i is very strange how it seems that one is much for attractive to others when they are in a relationship, its like you send out some kind of feramone or something... Just hope Jerrys not to strong or he at least has the will to not succumb... I still hold a spark of doubt in my heart... but it is not because of him... it is still the memory of Jas lurking in the darkness of my mind.
Was funny to hear Jerry and miss Kate talk almost like rivals... but he knows i would never be with another man OR woman.. does he not?

Well a good think i haven't seen rolling hips guy Selacious around for a long time, that fire he seemed to start back then still burns inside... not for HIM of course, but just burns and it is hard at times to hold down.. the rage, the passion... burning like molten lava in my core.

Ohh my head.. i think i am thinking to much to early...

At Nesingwarys camp in Nagrand

It has been a long weekend of training, though it was exciting being in the outlands... I remember i have been there once before but that was only in Shattrah city when Lumi was rescued.
But to actually travel around out here with Sister Brianna is so very exciting. I told her i needed to get back home before Tuesday, she didn't seem happy about that, making her little frowny face that just makes her look so cute.
The outlands are so strange some places are pure beauty and others are so corrupted and twisted it almost hurts.

I wonder what Jerry has been up to in my absence, i miss him though i think it good that he can have some time with the boys or to himself. I don't want to be hanging around him in every waking moment.

We need to have our own lives as well as a life together...

I cant wait to see him again though... He has been in my dreams every night since we last saw each other...
Was thinking of sending him a letter but didn't... only gone for the weekend not like i am away for a year...

I am really looking forward to seeing the others as well when i get home... Maybe i should find out where Whalter and Shanura lives and go visit them?
And really looking forward to the trip to Winterspring and i hope the worm clothes i am working on when we do not train will be finished in time.

We are staying in Nagrand for the night, Sister Brianna knew a dwarf that had a campsite there Mr Nesingwary i think it was. I would love to come here with Jerry one day as i like this place very much. But the memories come creeping along with the darkness of night... The waterfall near Shattrah, the appletree, being left alone again but also the that one good night where he put Reike aside an really tried to be there for me.
We had some good times me and him but he wanted her and i can only be glad for that now as it has given me Jerry.

With Jerry i can be myself... really myself... Not the polite and shy little girl that so many see.
To be anymore than all I am when i am with him would be a lie, I'm so full of love, I could burst apart and start to cry but i wont that would be silly.

Goodnight my love... where ever you are... Stay safe until we are again in each others arms... you've got a face like no other; I'll keep it where I see things right... I'll keep you in my heart, during the long dark night...


- The light protect us and keep us safe

On my way from the recluse

It has been a nice day... Especially this evening.
Shanura and Whalter are very nice, though i cant understand why he drinks so much all the time?
I am glad Jerry suggested i joine them and Whalter wanted to hire me... It is not Starlight nor would i want it to be... But it is new friends, when old ones have gone away...
I have missed Jerry especially when sitting with the two... lovebirds.
Like seeing people in love and not afraid to show affection...
But yes i have missed him and i hope he is at home, he still has a key...
I am unsure how to take Whalters compliment about me and Reike to heart but i know it was meant as one...

In the still of the night

It was a fun day... well not the training at the cathedral per say though it was good... I seem to be getting stronger in the ways of the light. Sister Brianna is impressed with my progress though she thinks i am holding back.

Well i was invited to a costume party with Jerry and his friends.. Didn't get my costume finished so needed to find something else on the fly... I knew a good illusionist out in Darkshire who gave me an illusion to make me appear as shadow, was really scary looking, one female dreanei even though i was tainted... Weird she could not tell the difference if she was a servant of the light.
Not many showed up to the party, don't know if it was because it was on a normal day or if they had not invited that many, but Jerry and Walter and I ended up trick or treating around Stormwind.
I was SO much fun, but there were so many sour people that surely was NOT in the holiday spirit...
A girl wanted Jerrys autograph on her chest... He got all apologizing about it, but i don't mind such stuff... it was not like he was feeling her up or anything...

It would only be his eyes, words or actions that would hurt me; looking wantingly after another, speaking about the hotness of someone without complimenting me higher in some way or being physical with someone.

No matter... I just need to show him how powerful and consuming love for just one person can be and that it is not bad to fight for someone, something you love... Flings are easy, love is hard work... but the payoff is much greater with love, than fleeting relationships...

Hear me talking like i have a lot of experience in this area, when in fact o have almost non. I have had so many offers and i still do but that does not interest me... I want more than they are willing to give... The deep connection.

As we lay here i feel his breath against my skin, his body so close... I cant stop watching him and thank the moon that he is mine... Am i a fool for believing i have anything he needs?


- the light keep my safe and guide my soul away from darkness

Laying in my bed

By the light what an evening... I finally gave in to my desires,,, maybe a little to much...
There is just something about him that makes me... well... wild
Something in the way he moves, attracts me like no other, i have felt this way for, before.
When i look at him my mind starts to run away with me and my head fills with fantasies.
I cant disguise my hunger anymore.

When i am with him all my lonely days filled with uncertainty disappear when he is near me, when he is near my life hold meaning and i only long to see his smile once more. It feels like magic between us and i feel like i am living on the edge of the world.
All i want is for him to hold me until i cant remember my own name. To kiss me properly like we invented it, tear me apart and take my breath away.

I long for him to come home to me, to take me into his arms and tells me all his troubles, tells me all my charms. In his arms i feel his warmth and it feel like home to me.

We seem so similar yet like night and day.




- Take my breath away my love, take my breath away...

On the way to Westfall

Been a hard day with a lot of traveling and preparations....
After i finished i went to find Jerry. I was told that he would be at the fighting arena under the tram. I havent been there before. Was exciting and scary at the same time.

He was there with Walter, and a couple of others i do not know... but what was up with that large cat. Nealy killed poor Walter... She had her eye for Jerry as well, she must be in heat... heck... only the raised tail was missing...

I needed to cut it short i was so tired after a long day...
It was hard not asking him to come home with me this night but i don't want to lay claim on all his time, i want him to be with his friends as well.

When i see them together i can fell how much i actually miss Starlight... I miss the comfort and unity of others. I have not yet found a similar group but maybe i need to look harder.

I found a note i wrote will i was running... It is about Jas. I cannot lie to myself i do miss him, we had something together and he was... my first. I just turned bad so fast and i was not the one he really wanted... or does he even know what he wants still?

*reads from the note*

I cant help it, i promised myself i wouldn't think of him more.
It's been eleven months and counting since you moved on but i am still stuck.
Cause every time a am a place where we have been together it reminds me of you, fills my head with sweet alluring memories.
Will i ever get strong enough to move on?

Since you left everything is still the same, the only difference is that you call another your love.
Dismiss and discard what we had together.

Am i all alone in the world? There is no love left as i gave my heart away to someone who did not want it.
 
He told me i am free to find someone that deserves me but i never felt changed. 

Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I feel out of beat with the world without beside me. Everything goes by in slow motion: the night is so cold and lonely... The darkness creeping near... closer and closer...
I should be moving on but i am still holding on to you.

*chuckles a little as she finishes reading out aloud to herself*

Well new memories are being made to cover the old ones.
I got strong and i did move on and i was never alone cause you were there by my side all the time, you came every time i called, every time i needed someone to be there for me. How could i have been so blind and not seen it back then.

Well i will make up for all the pain i have caused and all the trouble i have been that i swear to the light.

- the light help me to keep this promise to myself and keep him safe because he is truly one of your servants even if he does not know it himself.

On my way home from the Recluse

I so needed to get away from him. *sighs low* I cant keep away from him much longer. When he is near my my heart races, i become short of breath and light of head.
Every part of my soul feels ignited... On fire...

He is so wonderful, so caring and mild, so soft and tender, his wild and untamed nature, his strength both of mind, body and soul.
His blue eyes full of joy and mischief, his thoughtfulness and his passion... Oh his passion... I so want to give into it... i so want to let go... i cant keep holding myself back.
When in his arms i feel his longing and it enhances mine. I have wanted him so many times... The camp, the night in Feralas and every second since i have returned.

I cant run away every time he comes to close... I need to ease our longing... but the fear is still playing in my mind, the fear of being discarded... the fear of the darkness, that alluring darkness with all its promises...

Lets see what happens Sunday... I hope he will like it... I am not so good at this...
I am thinking of two places, maybe taking him to the first tomorrow Saturday, if he has the time.
I need to make the last preparations tomorrow morning.

I went to the recluse for a drink and there were this group of men talking about demons i was asked to join them, it was a very interesting conversation. I think one of them had a good eye for me as he kept peering at me all the time... it was also him that
asked me to sit down with them. I must admit he was quite good looking but he is nothing compared to Jerry.

Two of them followed me to where Chip was settled, when i wanted to go home, said it was to dangerous for a woman to walk the streets of Stormwind.Not that scared, I still have the stone but is anyone listening anymore?
Need to test that, need to ask Jerry if he still has his... If he doesn't maybe i can get the necklace refitted to a new ring? No wont take that one on again was a gift i don't want to put on again... I think i have an idea... I do have the money. Need to get that fixed first thing comes dawn...


- The light protect me and keep me safe

At home on the cliff

What have i done to deserve this?! it has been years since i have felt such happiness, felt so special, felt wanted.

I went to see fathers grave today, told him all that had happened then out of the blue Jeff appears wanting me to follow him. I could not see Jerry around which was odd so i followed.
He took me to a box. It was a gift... a gift for me.
It was a red silken dress similar to the one that dreanei we saw yesterday wore. It is so beautiful. Then he came himself... Oh i can watch him for eternity...
He held me close and kissed me.

I felt it could not get any better when suddenly he takes me on a trip, to the islands outside the jungle near home. It was somewhat hard being there again but i would not spoil anything. He had made that rabbit stew i love so much.
we went swimming... By the light i want him SO badly, seeing his almost naked body was almost more than i could bare... so i cut the trip short.

Inviting him home...I could get use to having him here... I hope he will stay tomorrow until i can come back from the cathedral.

I sit here outside the house in the cool night breeze, my heart is racing and my skin is hot... every fiber is screaming for him. So i needed to cool of a bit. It is just so hard laying there with him so close, when he holds me close in his sleep. I long to give in but i need to hold on a little longer, it still dosen't feels right.

Should i put anything into him not responding to what i said about him making my world a better place? that i hope i can make him as happy as he makes me?
Or does he fear the same as me... that i cannot?
It is the darkness and doubt in myself that is talking... I will not let it affect me regarding him... i just want him to be happy... more than anything.

It could sounds as if i have lost myself in this but this is mostly because i do not have a lot else to do yet, my training with Brianna is still going slow, she wants me to take it easy though i do not know why.

I think i have an idea for the coming weekend i just hope he will be free early so we can go...


- The light shine brightly and light my path away from darkness.

At home in Westfall

What an day... I have been training with siter Brianna until sunset. I was so tired when i left the cathedral.
Then of all the people in Azeroth i run into HER... My heart was racing wildly and i was so unsure what to do, how to act or if i should just hope not to be noticed. All the memories of my time with Jas returned in a flash. Memories i have used such a long time packing away... It was horrible; longing, pain, loss, anger, hatred... Darkness!
If it was not for my new found feelings for Jerry i think i would have broken down right there on the bridge.

But something inside said NO, no more fear of Reike Hanistol!
I tried to be polite and she seemed to somewhat respond to it but its hard to tell with her always so angry and closed up. She was with a man, i have seen him before. I hope she has found some happiness she needs it more than most. Then Jerry and some of his friends came and it went a little crazy, seems Reike has some issues with Walter as she tired to push him of the bridge. How he stayed on the ledge i don't know cause she went all in, full force like she always does.
I was surprised that she did not have one of her usual hateful comments on me and Jerry holding hands but i guess she was too cough up in Walter being there.
Jerry took me away from there to the harbor where we meet up with Walter and a woman i have not seen in a long time; Aylian. My cheeks got all hot as i remembered our last meeting. She is such an alluring and charming creature. It was weird for me to have a woman come onto me so strongly and openly. She is very nice though.
But her comment to Jerry at the pond later made me slightly unsure... Well cant blame him.. or her for being together if that was what it was about. Her is so wonderful and well she is so beautiful, missed the plated armor though, there was something about her when she was in that and she still looked like an angel.

At the pond i meet two more of Jerrys friends; Shanura Walters girlfriend and Blaine.

Jerry went home with me. Laying here by his side once more i cannot take my eyes of him as he sleeps. I can't believe he is really mine. The light has blessed me more than i have dared hope since last. To let me feel such happiness again... SO much love... I have loved him for so long but to let it go and grow, not keeping it changed or trying to explain and dismiss it as merely love for a friend, a brother.

You.. have taken me into your arms and you offer the strength and safety I have never had before.
When in your embrace I fear nothing. No one could threaten my soul because with you I know the light within will endure and blossom whatever comes. O, my love – everything has changed. 
The light warms me when I think of you, comforts me when I think of your voice, calms me when I look into your eyes. 
You are my most strong light and that light can never fade – no matter how many shadows gathers around me again. 


- The light look out for us and keep us safe 

Dont want to leave

Elune be praised what an evening... I cant believe this is real. I have thought and dreamed about it so many nights but never thought it would actually come to pass.

He found me by the tree at the harbor, who he managed that i cant imagine.

I was just thinking of him and was unsure if i dared go find him and face him... afraid of the rejection i was sure would come... But it never did!?

He tossed a ball to me, remembering our little joke the other evening. Almost knocked me of the edge catching it but ended on my rear instead... good one Etaine... Didn't you look silly.

Next thing i know he was giving me a backrub... Oh that was heavenly... my poor aching muscles.

I was so sure he was just being sweet ignoring what we had talked about, so he did not have to openly reject me. Boy was i wrong... That kiss... I almost feared he would feel my inner fire, my tiny heart racing so i thought it would explode... but hay i would have died happily.
His strong arms around me pulling me close, his blue eyes regarding me intensively and those lips...
His kiss was so careful and passionate... It was so hard not just to give in to that longing i have had for this for SO long.

I got all fluttered and asked him out for a drink, taking him to the camp... our place...

He had changed to something more formal, was weird seeing him like that but he looked good.
I had changed to my dress on the way and i felt so out of place but he seemed to like it. He pulled me close again.
By the light i could have ravaged him when i heard him say those words... But i behaved i don't want to give it all at once... i need to be sure that this is real and not just some boyish infatuation cause he can have me now.

It was so hard resisting the urge to throw myself at him, to forget everything and just loose myself in him.
He said he wants me.. ME of all the women he has been with and can have with a way of his hand, he has chosen ME!

I haven't gotten much sleep been laying beside him and just watching. He looked so peaceful and innocent as he was laying by my side in the tent... Good thing i brought it...
I wanted to wake him so many times, to whisper my desire into his ears to be with him but not now... not yet. I promised myself after Jas that i would not be a fool twice.

I went for a swim to cool of as dawn broke, he was still sleeping when i slipped out.
I walked a little up the river... the water was so cold and refreshing that i got goosebumps all over.
I felt his eyes on me before i heard his slow steppes, he was trying to hide behind one of the the smaller trees on the hillside... a rogue he will never be i can give him that...

I could not help but to love feeling his wanting eyes run over my body, it made me feel beautiful desirable something i have not felt since i was discarded for another...
I played with him, letting the water run down my warm skin and through my hair making him think i had not noticed him. I teased him by letting my hands slowly caress my body as i washed myself.
I have never seen him blush but when i confronted him, invited him to join me in the water, his cheeks were like blood. It was so cute i could not help but to laugh as i am always the one blushing.

He stripped down so fast he almost fell over with eagerness.
The he came to me... he gently lifted me into his arms and held me close kissing my burning skin. I could feel the warmth of his body pressed against mine. I wanted him so badly and i could feel he was using all his restrain too. We just kissed for a long time deep and passionate. Then he throws me into the cold water again with a grin... Bastard... it was almost like being kids again, playing in the water.
I made me miss my family; Raina and Cora and of course Etainna.

We dried each other off and kissed goodby... cant help but to miss him a little already... I want more of him... always have...

I missed mass but sister Brihanna did not mind, she was just happy to see me really smile again she said i smile that touched my eyes and my soul.

Well now for some training.. need to be fit for fight keeping up with a man like him.


- The light guide me and keep me safe

At the beach near home

(At the beach near home)

It has been a busy day... but thank the goddess for that as my head has been working on overdrive since last night. I cant wait until tomorrow but i am scared senseless at the same time...

At dawn i went to the cathedral for morning mass. It was strange being there again but Sister Brihanna was trilled to see me and she want me to start my training again. It was so good to see her and not being judged just welcomed.

I went shopping after mass, good thing i had a good deal of gold stacked away. I have ordered a lot of new things but it will take some time to get it all.
I needed an extra horse to get much of the stuff home and i could really use some care right now as my muscles are killing me.
I need to start my combat training again...

I am really having a hard time concentrating on anything specific as his image, those eyes keep filling my mind. By the light i had almost forgotten how good one can feel when your in love and gives into it. I am still on my guard about getting hurt but i cant hold it back anymore.

I finished the dress... i am so unsure if i dear wear it or if i should save it for another day.

People make the worst of us,
yet they have not seen the love which is pulling us together.

*written on a piece of papir as she sits on the beach in the suns last rays*
 
Oh, I've fallen in too deep

A little too fast
There is no turning back now
Love is here to stay
Or so I think

Spoken from my heart sealed with my kiss
These words will describe our eternal bliss
And when I lay my head to sleep
You are the thoughts wondering in my head

When my eyes shut I see an image of you
Nothing can distract for you are my only view
I wish you were here, holding me so tight
Yet instead I will be dreaming of you tonight

I dream of the future that I hope we'll share
The laughs and cries we'll see in this love affair
I count down the minutes until I see you next
I just want to run away with you into the sunset

I've fallen in something that is magical and deep
A picture drawn inside my heart forever to keep
An essay written in words the describe this love
A prayer to the angels thanking them up above

I look into your eyes and I see forever right there
I feel it in your touch as you brush through my hair
And each time we kiss I feel the love deep down
You've changed my life and turned my world around

- the light guide my and keep me safe

Faith

(At home in Westfall)

After tonight i have decided not to sell the house anyway. He may have broken my heart but i will no longer let his memories break my spirit.

Tomorrow i think ill redo the whole place and get rid of all that reminds me of him...

It has been so long since i have prayed last, or been to the cathedral. Tomorrow i think i will go there as well maybe see if i can find sister Brihanna.
It feels as if all my faith in the world has returned and all the darkness that was festering inside of my soul has been burned away... burned away but that fire i feel when ever i look at him. That knot i get in my stomach.

His eyes so blue and intense but always with that spark of life, teasingly gleem.
What's is it with me and blue eyes?

I remember i thought him a brother, a dear friend in the start but no i fooled myself cause he is so much more to me.. he always has been!

Ohh the light burn my soul, that goodbye was hard, his body against mine, to kiss his tender soft his lips only for a second. It felt like an inferno and all my senses were screaming for more...
I remember thinking back in the beginning that I could just as easilly have lost my heart to him if he had not been such a ladies man, seems i did.
Have i just hit it away all this time? Because of the fear?
He told me once he could never be with one that would tie him down and i believed him i believe that still.
It made all so much easier back then as i liked them both but i knew so little about who they were. 
So when Jerry pulled away it was easy to follow the other path ... not needing to think more over what could have been... What can be now?

He has always been right there beside me, been nice to me, complimenting me, standing up for me... noticing me, even when the only one that should be noticing me did not...

I have hurt Jerry so much in the past yet he still stand by me as if nothing has ever happened.

Funny thing is that all the time i have been away, running. I cried over Jas but it was Jerry i missed? Was it just because he was the one to comfort me, be there for me... or was it more?

Why has this always been so hard and confusing when it should just be simple.

I should have never come between them...!
But if they were his friends, how could they say such cruel things behind his back, give him all the blame for my faulting, dismiss him for being a fool.
I have always felt that Jerry and i never truely belong amongst Starlight... though i love each and everyone of them but they were so quick to judge, so full of spite.

I remember up at light hopes chapel. He came as soon as i asked him to, holding me tightly, telling me that everything would get better and no matter what they said he would be there for me. 
I wanted to have him stay just to keep the darkness away, he made me calm down, but it would only mean more trouble as they would all think they had been together then... Yet he was the only one there... non of the others with all their good intentions and large words.

I don't know what to expect of our next meeting... does he even know what he touched inside her? I dont think so... He never thinks...

It was so hard to leave him like that knowing what he will probably do afterwards but she needed him to think over this... to meet her without the lust. It will be hard to stay at a distant and neutral to wait for what he says and does.

*a drop of blood is smeared on the page*
Dammit this dress needs to be finished... He will be my second... wonder if he even know how many he has been with. 
I feel the little voice in the back of my head warning me, that this will end badly, that i am opening myself to the darkness again... But i need to take the chance.. 

- The light guide me and keep my soul forever safe

On the run again

She ran, not like before with Jas... She was not running away only running from her confusion... Her emotions.
Jerrys kisses were burning her skin but the desire for him was raging like a wildfire inside of her. After she had run a couple of streets away, she hid at a corner, pressing her back against the cold stone wall. Her heart was pounding and she was panting low in frustration.
She wanted him with every fiber of her body, she wanted so badly to give in to her desire... But how could she ever be so selfish... She knew he cared for her and she could never break him, make him be what she wanted... What she needed... If only she could be enough for him... But he was like the wild stallion running free and untamed... How could she deny him that... She could not, she loved him to much...
Had she really told him? It all felt like a dream... Telling him everything she felt inside...
She was still hurting over the wound Jas had given her.
Ohh to just give in, like he had suggested... The mere thought send shivers down her spine and made her hot all over.
Why did she have to be so loyal and committed when all she wanted was to give in...

Home again

It had been so long... A year? So much had happened... The memories clinning to every stone as she walked the streets of Stormwind once more.
She had changed... A lot... It was so clear to her now. A foolish young girl had run away... A wiser young woman was now home to stay.
It had saddened her to hear about Starlight... A group she had held so dear... But to run into Rabbit was pure luck... But it had awoken so many memories - good and bad.
Why had she come to the camp as the first thing of her return?
The house was cleaned up and ready to be sold... Or should she keep it and make new better memories there?
The only thing she was sure of was... She was glad to be home...