In the forest of Moonglade

Irenya was right, this truely is a magical and tranqill place. I am glad i got Jas to take me back here.
He didnt seem to willing to leave me to go to his studies but we can not stay in each others arms all the time though i would love to.

I was afraid it would all go bad again, he almost lost control. I hope i can keep calming him down when needed cause i pitty the one becomming the rather of his rage if he looses control.

There has been so much i cant blaim him. Maybe i should talk to Nomine about it see what can be done, and i dont mean about Jas i mean in Starlight all are starting to feel what i have senced for so long.
Ibelin was right about one thing at the bridge, the unity in starlight is faultering and people way be there for each other but no more as a family only out of duty...

The night here was extrodinary so wild yet filling me with an inner peace i have not felt in a long time.
Jas seemed to sleep deep and soundly with no nightmares to haunt him.

Why does time move so slow, why does everything need to be according to their rules or one will be looked ill upon. I know what i want... Indeed patience has never been one of my fyringer virtues.

I think it was a good idear for me to spend the day here as part of my studies.


- The light guide our steps and keep our souls forever safe.

On the cliff, standing in the suns first rays as the fall over Westfall

I feel so lost at times...
How will this all go, do i even dare to find out?

I couldnt even do one simple job; watch Stoen till the others come back
But i fleed, tose words from someone who has not even taken the time to talk with me, the judging... I didnt not see it come from there, i was caught off guard so i ran, seems to be a thing in Starlight or is it in life in general?

Maybe i should find Irenya our trip to Moonglade, she seemed to actually listen and understand...
I didnt even get to see it when we got there, she spend so long getting me there and i didnt get to see it.
Well i need to change that.

Reike... her venomish glare at me... No i cant even go there
those mixed feelings simply pains to much, i just need to put them away i cant sort that one out myself. But i feel it like a festering boyl inside me.

They got Lumi back... now i fear for Imorgans life... What will happen next i wonder.

But beeing with him, makes it all go away. I know i should spend more time with the others that to only be with him does not get me anywhere on that front. But there has just been so much, so much hurt and pain...

When we are together alone it is all as it should be, but when he leaves all the world seems to go to the neathers always something happening to either him or me or...

I was surpriced how easy he took me seeing Selas, well not that he has anything to fear but well seeing as i have it with Reike.
That poor girl beaten up in her own home, i hope Selas finds her and brings her to justice.
It was nice to see him doing what he did for her, he is a caring and nice man and his love for whom ever she is is flawless a devotion one can only envy but then i remeber that other part of him and well it seems that all relationships have their cracks.

I know Jas only says those words because i love to hear them but i so much hope for them to one day come true... It is silly... we have only know each other for such a short time and it has been ups and downs to say the least.
Though i see his point about tat not beeing a bad thing actually because of the motives behind.

I know in my heart that he is the one i love and i will not leave him unless he throws me away...
Like he said... I too am glad that things turned out like this and not the other way...

But one day at i time... I may feel lost at times but the joy i feel inside because of him makes the world shine that much brighter keeping the darkness away.


- The light guide our steeps and keep our souls forever safe.

At home in Westfall

I cannot sleep... Just lay here watching him... His sleep is so restless so disturbing...
He hurts... Reike, me and now Hira...
I am afraid he will break soon, run away or do something more stupid to be free.. He feels it is all his fault, that he can do nothing right...
I will loose him it is only a matter of time...

I did it again... it let myself anger... i should not have
But to know how they hurt him... But i am no better...

He says he wants it all to be simple for the two of us to be happy, to have his friends back...
That will never happen... It is never that easy...

Well all i can do is try to show him happiness and love until he runs away for i know he will do something like that, he will never want me or Reike or Hira hurt and this conflict where he is in the middle he is drowning.

Maybe i should give him the necklace back and tell him that he needs not tell me anything and i will not ask?
I do trust him after all...

I hope we will be able to talk tomorrow. I did not even dare to get to close... yet i miss him.

Will i ever get him back or is he already lost to me.

What to do, how to help i am so lost... my world is crumbling so his must must be shattered... Maybe i should talk more witj Irenya she seemed to understand somewhat..?


- The light guide his steeps and keep his soul forever safe.

On my way home from Stormwind

Seems i have not had the need to pray in these last couple of days... Is that a good or a bad thing i wonder?

Why are our nights aftr a fight so intense and passionet it can leave me all breathles.
We havent really talked more, i let is pass i dont want to fight and argue all the time, we should be years from that...

I just want to enjoy him... for as long as i can.

The trip to Nagrand seemed to be a succes, at least i think he liked it.
Though that silly fool stayed awake all night because he was afraid i might get cold, tried to say it was because the nights in Nagrand could get pretty cold but i think he was afraid of himself.

I need to find a way to help him with that.

The meeting was moved to Shattrah and it was a fair meeting but it sometimes feels like starlight is breaking apart most are at each others throats, they dont like each others and mumles behind each others backs.

I havent seen Milwin in a long time so i am glad i have Jas to talk with this about. He will be a great pathfinder i think, though he is not good at diplomacy and people he dosnt like, what would happen if he got one such as Tahrina i wonder.
Why does so many of them seem to take distance from them, they have always treated me with kindness, but then again i am not excatly well looked upon myself.

I decided to go home after the meeting, told Jas i needed to prepare for tomorrows service well it was partly true.
It wll give him some time to talk with her without feeling guilty...

I just need to find something to keep myself occupied with so my mind dosent wander, maybe i should put the stone away? Will that help or make it worse?
Hmm i wonder if he will tell me if he goes to see her or forget again...
Well i have done what i can now to give him space and i will take of the necklace and the stone to try and forget it all for now.

Hmm might need to say i need the peace for my studies or something or he will get hurt.

I need to calm the inner storm when i get home, but with what? The darkness seem to whisper to me when he is gone, filling my minde with those dreaded images making me faulter in my trust, make me doubt...
This is the lights way of testing my resolve and only one thing can shake it... Him...
When he holds back, tries to spare me, when he just forgets that is when my faith seems to faulter and the dark whispers seems most true.


- The light guide my steeps and keep my soul forever safe.

At home in Westfall

It seems that we are getting no where. We are either on fire or it is ice between us...
Are we trying to fight a fight we are not suppose to be fighting... Together?

Home... He actually called this home, not my place or anything.

I stayed in Shattrah and well when Stoen was alright and nothing i could do, i went to find a place to take Jas to have him a little to myself after all this. I had heard so much of Nagrand and indeed it was almost a paradise, even managed to find the only appeltree on the whole continent. I bought that groog he said he liked and all, at for what... Left to myself... again.

I am starting to belive that i am selfish... I need to pull back, give him air and time to be with Reike... to prove that i am really not trying to come between them, it just hurt to come second to one i know is in love with him...

I couldnt look at the fight, i think i got some fine notes but i needed to go... I went home hoping that he would not be to beaten up when he returned... well he didnt return at all... Went riding scorched my shoulder so needed to change no need to get him worried... not that that was anything for me to worry about.

I should not have made that comment but well did he even care.. seems i was just annoying him or them.

Argh i hate this.. this is not the person i am, i understand she needs someone and that it has been hard and all and compaired to what they have been through i just need to shut up.

Why have i even started to drink when i get like this Ibelin is right it really dosent help... well at the time it does. He made me run off i couldnt talk about it more.

How by the neather did he find me, i didnt even have the stone or the necklace on. I need this to stop.. I need us not to hurt anymore, even if it means letting him go.
He told me about the nightmares well not anything else than he has them, well not that i didnt know, my dreams have been filled with ice and cold... and lonelyness and when i wake with the scream in stuck in my throuth he is like ice beside me, the frost and numb feeling tingling on the hand i had placed on his chest.

The worst part is i dont want to seperate him from her... or any of his friends because i DO trust him... it is the constent feel of beeing forgot. Why did he not just tell me why it took so long then all these images in my head could have been put away.

This time we need to find out what we truely want because we cant keep this up, we are both hurting to much...


- The light guide our steeps and keep our souls forever safe.

On the cliff, standing in the suns first rays as the fall over Westfall

Another perfect night in his arms... Those word he kept teasing me with sends shivers down my spine in anticipation and i can only pray to all the light that it will one day be true. For the first time i do not care about it all, and i just wish to belive his words and gode my nightmares away deep deep down in those dark corners of my soul.
I need to belive or it will rip me apart.
Well easy to say know, i am not sure how easy it will be next time he goes to her...

How could they be so cruel to Rabbit, he is just as much a part of it all as me... Well maybe thats the problem i would have been just as big a liability as i know Even less about it than he does... But is the will to do right... To want to help not the most importaint? I guess they dont think so... I fear that Rabbit and i do not truely belong and if they Are that harse how can one learn?

No i dont want to worry today... Maybe i can get him to stat with me for the day, Maybe go launge at the island...?


- The light guide my steeps and keep my soul forever safe.

At home in Westfall

I cant take my eyes of him as he is laying there sleeping. The sound of his calm breath and the strong beating of his heart.

I am so afraid to loose him...
And finding out that i was right, that she does love him just like i said. The scowlding i got from both for implaying it and there it is... well it could be a lie but i cant see the prudence in that.
He will go talk to her and find out if it truth or if its a lie. Wonder if she can be honest with him?

I was so glad to hear his voice over the stone, but it hurt slightly that is was a random comment for all.
I was maybe just hoping that i would be the first he thought of when the ring was active again. But well i am just a silly girl and he had more importaint things to think of... I guess.
I have not been on any adventures like that so i dont know how one feels.

It made me a little reserved. But i was so relived and glad to see him. I really just wanted to throw myself into his arms... Why do i always get in the way of just beeing glad... an showing him how i truely feel.
The feel of never wanting to to let go when we are in each others arms, how his icy blue eyes makes my soul burn and how my love for him seems  to large for my body to hold.

I am so afraid that i will lose him to her... maybe she will not do anything directly but her words against me and well i have always felt that Jas is lying to himself about his feeling for her just as she apprently has been doing about her feeling for him.

Please by the light show me i am wrong... Though all i want is for him to be happy even if that will not be with me, his happiness means more to me than my own.


- The light guide our steps and keep our souls forever safe.

Sitting in the suns first rays as it raises over Westfall

I could not stay at the Cathrdral for long, i feel so imprisonned there. What does that mean? Am i no longer fit to become a priestess?
I had a long talk with Sister Brianna and she said that she feels my studies work well for me and that i keep improving, that i am a natural healer when my emotions do not cloud my abilities.

I was sitting on one of the stonebenches at the foot of the cathedral stairs when all of a sudden Selascius stod there with a warm and caring smile. I was o the edge again becomming all jittery.
He told me he had taken Nell to the guards stables and that he was only here to make sure everything was alright. I could not refuse his kindness. He sat down asked me me honest concerne about my leg, he even brought me a bouque of wildflowers all whites, golden and reds. He told me there was noting in the flowers it was just for a friend that needed something to look at instead of the Cathedral walls.
We started to talk about Jas as he clearly sensed my distress over everything that has happen between us and the longing to have him back.
Wow maybe i should hire his as a consulent bcause he is surprisingly deep and his questions and suggestions have really gotten me thinking, and i actually think that that suggest to remove my concern and feeling about beeing forgotten when there are others. I think i will talk to Jas about that... well if he will stay long enough to listen to me.
Selascius said he needed to have a talk with Jas to sort all of this out as it seems that reike has made more harm than damage and well seeing as he will not really belive my words. I told how i thought Jas would react to beeing confronted by him, but he just laughed it away and said that they would both be find.
Some noble came to talk with the guards about some episode in the city last night, sounded to me like those embrace that the others have mentioned or are there just so many shadowcasters around?
I will be going home tonight as it seems the city is not a more safe place for me to be anyways. And at home i feel him a little closer.

Well after my studies i wanted to go past the bridge to see if any would be there but it was empty so a sat and rested my leg on the edge when i hear the rush of large wings and turn to ind Tikal just befor he pushes me in i hear a sly squick.
I scowled him about my leg when i finally got up and he was sorry and wanted to help with his own healing powers that realy helped and after that it was only slightly sore, though i am still to keep waight off it for a day or two more.
Karina came and they were talking about their children...
Ibelin came as well and the two of them went off to talk. Tikal told me about Ibelins formers reltionships and how Tikal had been forced to kill one of them, one who was pregnant with Ibelins child. I still told Tikal that Ibelin has come back this time, he fights for them this time and one needs to hold hope in love.
He ended up agreeing with me more or less. Then he asked abut Jas and we start this whole love and immortality debat, really deep for that time of the day and we end up talking about the druids dream world.

It was very interesting but i was becomming really tired and i think Tikal noticed to we said our good nights and i went home and snugged into bed in front of the fire, Missy and Jack i had taken in and they seemed to enjoy that. Jas was right they make it slightly more bearing. The sheets still holds his scent and i cuddled up in the large blanket.

I just hope they will all be safe up there...

- The light guide his steps and keep his soul forever safe and bring him back to me safely.

In the sleeping chambers of the Cathedral

Sister Brianna let me sleep her for the night... Why does everything get messed up as soon as he is gone? I feel powerless against it. Ibelins question ringing in my ears "You don't?" when we were talking about how others seem to view me. And well yes i fell as much as Reike that i don't deserve him, that he should be spared from yet another of what in most peoples eyes are all my own doings.

He will never forgive me... Reike will hunt me down and cut out my heart for this... but what should i have done? Ignored Tahrinas plea for help all because Jas dosen't trust my judgement?
I know Sehlanna will stand by my side with this... and well it felt like Ibelin understood my actions as well.

I made him stay with me the last night before he went away i could't let him leave...
Was nice to have Rabbit come visit and he seemed to like the place. Jas was in a bad mood though, he said its because he didn't want to leave me but it feels like there is more something he is not telling me... but what?

We went to see the tournament, but i dint really care for it and nor did Jas so he took me back to the city. We meet Sehlanna and Zarcon by the pond. Their feelings and love is so inspiring. I could only dream that Jas and i would find such peach in each other one day.

Then it all went south... Again
Tuskhira came with the cute little pup Totem. Jas had told me how much Totem meant to him and i was glad to see the joy in his eyes as they played but something just broke at the sight i am not even sure what and i needed to go... i could stand to be there all of a sudden, i think it was all he had told me about him and Hira about Draenei.
I went to get something to drink as an excuse... at first at least.
When i came back Hira ran past me not even caring to stop or anything. When i got down there it seemed that Jerry had once again come to my rescue saying out loud what i keep hiding in my heart.
I don't know why Hira should get so mad at that comment? Unless there is still feelings there and she would not discuss it over the stone either.
Jas didn't understand it... i am sometimes not sure he is capable of perceiving how much his actions hurt me at times.
I will never have him stay away from anyone but it hurts to be forgotten when other more... interesting things... are around.
We talked a little and he ended up leaving me to go to Hira... Just like with Reike i will always be the one left behind when they hurt or are angry or what else can be wrong.
I know this is who he is and therefor i try to push the hurt and frustration away.
I am so afraid to become what they call me behind my back... One that controls him and ties him up...

I went to have a look around on the other side of the pond, at the outskirts back there... Strange there was this stone alter back there whit smoke and all. Why does the guards permit that?
Well they both came running...i am not even sure why...i said i was fine...

We tried to talk but Jas got angry and took of with Rabbit right at his heels trying to fix it all.

Maybe i shoulden't have said the comment about us turning into Reike and Ibelin.

I walked after them... not like i could stay out there at that alter all night anyway.
When i came to the upper pond he was sitting by the tree.. Rabbit begged me to talk to him... And that little... Well Hira was there all wanting to help... I shoulden't have snared at her... I was just so angry...

I went to talk to him... it keeps getting harder and harder as he fall more into it all being his fault and being a bad person.
He is not and i have told him a million times or more already.

Ibelin came and the three of us talked about him and Reike, he had Reikes shirt... what is up with walking around Stormwind sniffing to her shirt. He really is lost i take it because that is just odd behavior if you ask me.
We talked about poems and Jas recited the most beautiful poem. How can that be the same man that flirts with every female around without even knowing. In some ways he can be just as bad as Rabbit the big difference is i have not seen Jas take it further. maybe i should find Karina and ask her what she meant at the last gathering but do i even want to know?

We spend the night together it was not as intense as it usually is but more tender and caring. We both felt the weight of him leaving but non of us said anything we just held each other close.

Our good by was brief to not prolog the pain. The thought of the ring helps me stay calm. When i went for my studies.
I felt at peace at evening mass until Sehlanna spoke over the stone her concern about Zarcon set me all ablaze inside. I tried to calm myself but i could not reach him... No answer came.
I meet with Sehlanna at the bridge at least i have someone to share my concerns with.

Then Selascius showed up... And i knew this would all end badly... Again
I begged Sehlanna not to leave me alone with him. When we talked and he wanted to take my hand out of concern i moved away like a scared little child hiding behind her mothers skirts. I could see the confusion in his eyes.
The Tahrina cries out over the stone. We need to go help her, but there is only Sehlanna and myself and non of us are fighters. Selascius offers his help and Sehlanna takes it willingly.
And that is when all the trouble starts...

First of all i am the only one with a horse and it cannot carry three, Sehlanna says for me to take Selascius along and she will follow as fast as she can. I told her all over the stone about how Jas would never forgive me and she reassured me that the cause was greater so we rode ahead. I could feel his heated body against my back, his heart racing with excitement of it all yet there was nothing i could do to get away from him.
I focused all my thought on the task at hand and it seemed to work.

Second Sehlanna strains her foot and cannot follow but tells me to go on and help Tahrina.
I guess that will be the dagger through my heart.
We found where Tahrina had told us she was but it was so steep, i tied Nell to a tree and started to clime up... but all the rain, the mud and the slippery rock and my dress not making it any easier. My focus being on my inner turmoil than on what i was doing. I slipped and feel, i almost gagged as i hear the horrible snap of bone.
Selascius ran to me and suddenly Ibelin was there... like a savior. Praise the light i needed one to be there and he was. Selascius looked at my leg and it was clearly broken right above the ankle, the bone had not pierched the skin luckly, he placed a skin on my leg and bound it tightly. It made me almost pass out.
Ibelin got his bike but i was so dizzy i could not focus because of the pain, the potion Ibelin gave me helped against some of the pain slowly. But i did not get the fact that it was Not Ibelin that asked about where i lived.
I thought he would drive me home and therefor he asked so i just answered.
He took me to the Cathedral to get help and he sat me down wanting to know every detail and i told him everything, it reminds me of when i had done something wrong and father would have a... talk... with me.
I had no reason not to, i have nothing to hide. And then when he said "And now he knows where you live" it struck me, it had been Selascius not Ibelin asking.

I need to stay in the city and Sister Brianna has given me permission to stay at the Cathedral, but still there is Jack and Nell and Missy, they needs me. So i need to go home at some point.
Will he be there? Has he brought Nell home?

Laying here in the dark listening to the sisters snore i feel so alone.
Maybe that shirt thing wasen't such a bad idea after all, i would have loved to be able to have had the same opportunity as i lay here and missing him so badly.

Please love come home to me soon, forgive my faults as i forgive yours.

Maybe i will get lucky and he will write me a letter as Reike had done Ibelin. At least that soothed me because that means that they are still safe. But why does he not answer me?
I am thinking of writing him a letter and have Ibelin sent it along with his own yet does he not feel the need to let me know about the ring? Or has he not tried to use it himself?
I will wait one more day then i will see...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.

Outside the house in Westfall

Hmm was not easy to make up something to get away without hurting his feelings but i needed to be alone for a little while. Jst to clear my thoughts.

Last evening i went to the meeting early and when Jas came he was angry because he had gotten in some kind of fight with Reike, her calling him a love sick puppy only doing what i tell him too...
I cant belive her... does she not remember how it was to be in love...
Her words are poison and all seem to belive her sharp tongue
all seem to find me as a little tramp and i guess most would like to see me gone.

I had not seen starlight as been people who just takes one persons word and well maybe i should just leave them... I am off no use to them anyway, i cannot tribute to anything and well as Nomine and Chit said at the meeting Starlight comes first above all else.
I would never be able to do that i fear and frankly i see them slightly ignorant and fullhearted for believing in that... I would lay down my life for every last one of them, but i would go to the ends of the great darkness and back if it was Jas. All would just like Reike told me about Nomine and that Morrigan woman.

And then Jerry goes and turns Jas into a rabbit.. fool he is at times, not that i think he meant any harm but well still he should know Jas better than to pull a prank like that on him.
But it seems i changed his mood afterwards.
That was so intense and well exciting, i dont see that beeing the last time.

We went to the bridge to talk and all of a sudden i feel the coldness off steel against my throuth. Jas called RIPA over the stone and Jerry came there in seconds and Reike was amazing... yet somewhat scary as she took the man full on, thought she would have killed him. So much anger in her so much pain i guess.

Bet he did not have me put two and two together they are going to that Kalanth assignment tomorrow yet funny thing that both Reike and Jas are leaving today...

I dont see this ever ending Jas cought between the two of us. I am just not sure how to handle this pull away or belive in the words that at one time seems so truthfull and deep yet moments later seems hollow and empty... I really belive he means the words when he says them... but...


- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever safe.

At home in Westfall

We got the air cleared when he woke and he would even have my help with the hangovers as she wantet the punishment.
We talked back and forth for a long time and it just got us closer together.
We when to Stormwind as Jas needed to pick something up and i needed to get some new books for my studies.

When we meet up again he had a present for me well two actually a beautifl dress and the cutest rabbit; Jack. We went to a petshop in Dalaran to buy a leach for Jack. And well then the wierdest thing happens as Jerry has gotten himself turned into a rabbit how that happened i have no idear but we went to find him and Jas turned him back, we didnt really stick around to find out what had happened as i had promised Jas that date...
I took him to the little island and all was ready... it was perfect...
He really... really liked the dress i had made, the food as well...

And then all becomes more or less like a dream to me... The night was enchanting in every way... The ways he made me burn... It was like he was in my head...

I dont remember more before the sun woke me as it shined into the tent but i didnt want to wake up... Holding on just a little longer untill he woke as well.

We need to go back though i really didnt want to seemed like non of us wantet to return.


- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever safe.

On the cliff home in Westfall

I cant sleep, been awake for hours now but every time he turns in his sleep i faint to be asleep. I know non of this is his fault and that he is just beeing a good friend and i would not want him to be anything else.
Then why do they silent words cut like a knife in my heart?

Did Ibelin even think about what he said that evening in Shattrah? But he is right, they all are, and that is why i could not just smile and comfort him.

That is why i am sitting here with the tears running down my face in the night, unable to escape it all into the solice of sleep.
This emotional rolecoster is starting to bit at my core.

Well i will hold on for as long as i can... or should i let him go? Would that make him more happy in the end?

Everything was planned for tomorrow and now again something comes in to ruin it...

I feel sorry for them both well actually most for Ibelin as Reike has Jas to stand by her side like her own personal guardian, never wanting a frown on her pretty face. But who does Ibelin have? Even though he was the one to break it, i refuse to belive he is not hurting just as badly.

Those words keeps ringing in my head every time he goes to her "they are perfect together..." And i know they both refuse it.. but i just hope i am the one this time to be proven wrong as i will prove Reike wrong about me.

Shall i stay out here or return to the bed? To him? It was the hardest thing to pull away from him, but i cannot hold him close with these thoughts in my heat... I have never been the jealous type so why now?

Did i purge my soul in vain?
So many questions so much uncertainty...

He said that the broken nose was an accident, that she fell and well... With her temper and his words to be her privat punching bag i doubt it, but i can nothing else than trust his words, what else do we have if not honesty...
If we do not have that in this broken world then we have nothing and we will fall into ruin...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever
safe.

Watching the sunraise over the shores of Westfall

The necklace is so beautifull and the best part can not even be seen. I cannot belive he found a solution so fast and in between all that has happened in the last couple of days. Now it dosent seem so bad having him go away.
Well i must admit i am glad he had to go well not for myself but for him, having him focus on something else than me will be good for him. But one easily gets addicted it seems, gets expectations as the night has been so cold without him beside me. I use to love the night, the peace and tranquility of it all.

I had a lot of time to study and also meditate... it has been so long since i have felt the time to look into myself and relax, to feel the warmt of the light filling my soul. The roaring fire burning inside has calmed to a smoldering ember like it has always been.

I hope everything with Lumi is going in the right direction and i guess it must be for Nomine to still host the training for the new pathfinders. I wish there was something i could do to help out
more...

Well now i have made evertything ready for what i promised Jas and i got the item in time as well but i think i need to find some kind of work as it has drained nearly all the money i have been sawing those mages dont come cheap well the materials i wanted was not of the cheap sort but i just want it to be perfect. I just hope he will like it...

- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever safe.

In jasdevis quarter in the mage tower

Ohh i could watch him sleep forever, lost in all that he is.
Even though the despair is all around he manages to make me forget all the bad things around us.. at least for a while.
It was magical, all the candles, the dinner and the the snow around us.
The stars so increadable bright on the night sky. And that reminds me that i promised him a date
as well but it was swollowed by all that has happened but i think i know excatly where and how now.. just need the when. I cant wait...

I spoke to Reike, finnay pulled myself together and confronted her as i cant stand to see Jas so distressed about our situation. I know and feel she still dosnet like me.. that beeing said lightly but well just to be able to be around me is better than nothing at least it will give Jas just a little more peace, and maybe someday she will put aside her negative look on all around her and see that all i want ih to keep Jas happy. I know that i do not deserve him, i agreed with her
on that part, but i will not throw away the chance he has given me becuase of it.


- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever
safe.

Outside the Shattrathen Inn by the waterfalls in the pale morning light

Yesterday was a mess.
First the meting with rolling hips guy Selasius i think Ibelin called him.
What he did to me, was it just to awaken something slumbering inside me and amplifying it or did he press this upon me? I am not sure but i somehow believe that it was not to cause me harm after all i was the curious one.

I know he means well but did he haft to go tell it to them, why does everyone need to be messed up in what is so personal to me well to us i hope.
Maybe i should stop telling him every little thing that goes on in my head and happens on the streets but at what cost. Will that make us drift apart or will it help as he does not have to worry about me all the time.

I cannot deny that the time with him while under Selasius effect was mind blowing... Yet now i only feel dirty after what he he said afterwards.I should have held back. Should have waited, been proper and all, but i remember that day in the dwarven tavern like it was only minutes ago and how could i turn down those burning kisses setting my soul ablaze, how could i turn down those longing eyes as he looked into mine.

It is all of my own during and i don't know how to fix any of it...

And then the explosion about that beautiful dreanei Lumi they call her. I have never meet her but i know she is Stoens love.
All of starlight gathered to get her back. It was so impressive seeing them all, like slumbering titans of old waking to rid the world from evil.They would all have laid their lives to get her back. SO strong and powerful they all stood before the tower. And all i could do was follow behind even though i would give the same sacrifice as they for the unity that starlight has given me, taken me into. I was more in the way than of any help.
Should have stayed behind, making ready for their return instead. But i so want to help.
I need to study harder become more focused again...

He said that he would never leave my side... I wonder for how long...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.

Jasdevis quarter in the mage tower

By the light... My head... How can they do this more than once.
I think i need to stay in bed as long as possible today.

But what a night, well the meeting was kind of hmm uncomftable... Mostly a discussion between Nomine and Ibelin. I can understand Reikes hurt as i have felt it myself only a year past but i remember it like yeserday still.

I hope she will someday be able to actually stay in my presence as i feel how it hurts Jas or i need to stop beeing where she is to aviod unessecary conflicts. I dont know...

But well after the meeting Jas and Milwin got under each others skin, he has a fierce temper when he feels stepped on. So many strong emotions...

Well the fair was exciting all the colors, the music, the activities and the animals.Think i got slightly to much to drink and i am paying for that in full today.

Rabbit came, it pains me to see him so distant but i can only imagin what he must be feeling seeing Jas and i together like this. I so wanted to pull him close and hug him but i think Jas would have misunderstod.I wonder what i can do to make it better? I pains me that i have come between them like this... non of this was never my intent...

But Jas spoke the truth... last night and this morning will indeed be something i will not long forget.
His passion was so strong and wild. He made me burn in a way i would never imagine. Showling me feelings i have never felt before... It felt like me could not possible get anycloser without litterally melting togeter as one.
Guess Jas is gonna get scowlded again because i dont think we went unheard.

But back to sleep, there must be something against this damed headach...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.