On the cliff at home

I dont pray much these days... I dont know what there is to pray for...

The howl was beautiful and it gave me a sense of closure and peace... Jerry would have wanted us to celebrate his life not mourn it and he would not want me sulking at home, hiding away in darkness...

But he is everything to me still and he always will be... My friend, my lover, my husband and father to my unborn child...

I dont know what it was with Jas, how he can walk back into my life like that... Into my soul...
Well I never healed from what happened. But I am glad we talked, glad we are on good terms...

It was nice just to be close to someone again and forget all the sorrow for a second...
I cant help but to sit her with the rose in my hand looking from that to the ring and back.
I am afraid that I have left myself vulnerable because of all the hurting.
Would he take advantage of that? Would I let him?
I dont love him like that anymore... That was a long time ago, but I did feel very deeply for him and I dont think that has change even though I fear I can never let myself fully trust him again... Never let my guard down like that again.

Suddenly the house holds all the memories of both and I sit hear and I am afraid to sleep.... to dream for what will great me in my dreams?

A day of celebration or mourning

It was so hard telling his parents the sad news and his mother was as sweet as ever, they all were and they shared all their love and sorrow with me like I was their daughter in law.

They told me that with Jerrys actions I was indeed now and would in their eyes always be a Walker, and Jeromes wife.

I am scared to think if my suspicions are correct... Can it be? Did Jerry leave me with the greatest gift of all? I am scared to hope but the thoughts of a little piece of him being left behind. A small new star to shine in his wake... A child with his smile and the twinkle in its eyes...

My heart sores with the thought but i am still afraid to hope...

Ohh Jerry I miss you so badly it hurts

Why did you have to go and die?
I don't want to have to say goodbye.
The light must have seen how special you were, to take you away
but couldn't it have waited for another day?
A new bright star has been born now,
High, high up in the sky.
Up there where all the angels lie.
You wouldn't have wanted me to make a fuss,
After all, you're still down here with all of us.
Just because I can't see you, doesn't mean you're not here.
I know you are somewhere very, very near.
I love you so much but it time to say:
Goodbye My Love
Because your life here has come to an end.
Rest in Peace...