The Culling

I feel the cold stone under my body as i lay on the hardened once poliched surface. The wind ran howlingly through the ruins as if searching for me, but i had found myself a dry spot in a dark coner where it could not reach.

 

I breath in deeply, the scent of my suroundings filling my nostriel with every breath; the dust and mold around me, the old forest and the faint presence of something unnerving makes my nose wrinkle.

 

I pull the bedroll tighter around me trying to hold warm. Should i have started that fire? Was i getting to paranoid?

Maybe i could learn to use the same inner fire Jas had told me about?

 

Jas..!

 

The pain i had pushed back into the deepest part of my mind in an attemt to hide it away, trying to disconnect, to let it become nothing more than a weak pounding in the back of my mind.

Hidden away by the inner turmoil and huddled thoughts, drowned in the inner storm that kept threathening to rip me apart from the inside out till my guts lay sprayed over most of this bloody forest.

The pain hits like a sledgehammer, i can almost feel my teeth getting nocked loose.

I manage to hold the whimpering back as i bite hard on my lip until the nausiating tast of iron filled my mouth.

 

I need to pull myself together and meet him...

 

I crawl out from my bedroll another night without sleep it seems but i am getting use to it.

The icy wind ding into my soft flesh digging deep into my bones the second my body is no longer protected by the bedroll.

 

I start to pack my things together which dosent take long, not much to pack when you need to run with it as well.

I walk down to the small creek running just outside the ruin, the splash some water in my head to get the blood running.

The icy droplets chill my skin and cool me into the core like icy tallons gripping for my heart. My teeth start to chatter as i sit on my knees bend over the small creek. The reflection in the water catches my eyes and i hardly recognice the young girl i see starring back at me. Her large almondshaped blue eyes seem empty, the dark shadows running around them. She looks malnurished, the once golden hair hangs in dreads around her face, the sunken cheeks and her dry and cracked lips.

The clothes hands loosley on her looking like rags from the dirt and cuts.

I do not notice as i clenche my fists, my jaw tightens and i snarre coldly at the girl in the water as i brings my hands down into the reflection.

 

A moment later i sit feeling shamfully stupid as i feel the wind taking advantage of the wet clothes and the exposed pale skin. I look to the cuts and bruises sprayed all over my body.

 

Guess i need to find a city or something to get cleaned up and maybe a healer, as most of the cuts are shallow it should not be difficult to heal.

 

I go back to the ruins and pulls what little i have onto my back and starts to run further north. The running comes so easy to me now, i run like a deer between the trees almost without sound.

 

 

A dark figure follows her like her shadow always watching... waiting...

The temptation

Etaine moves through the ruin she found as shelter from the raine, she comes to sit by the small fire she has made. She rests her chin on her knees and watches the smoldering whit embers, letting her mind drift away.

A slender womans figure come to stand oppersite of her, keepin in the shadows with her cloack tight around her form, her long yet black hair hangs around a subtle face with her green eyes set deep holding an inner turmoil at bay. She regards Etaine with great distast... Is it because all this reminds her of her own path? Long before the embrace... Long before him... She had let Ashana take away her pain... But what was she now?
The women snares at herself for falling idle to her own memories.

Etain gets startled by the noise and reaches for her knife but as she sees the woman she just sighs deeply and defeatedly.
Then the voices start again, were they the woman speaking or someone else, Etaine was not sure... She tried to pay no attention to them but they are starting to get to her slow but steady pulling down her defences. Etaine wrappes her arms around her kneesain an attemt to keep herself together. She needed to stay strong... But for who? Why? The voices taunts her. Etaine holds the letter that came to her, tightly in her one hand.
She was glad about some of the content but hurt by some of the other.
Should she use the necklace? The voices taunting her more.
Could she ever look into those icy blue eyes again? She let her fingers run over the necklace she held so dear.

The woman spats and her voice is like pure malice as she barks at Etaine... Weakness! You know he has moved on... You have felt it... Seen it... Do not fall pray... Why should you hurt when he so clearly does not...

Etains eyes flair with rage as she looks up at the woman... He does, that i have felt to. Her voice is drain comeparede to the womans.

The woman snorts... A fleeting moment here and there, you are nothing more to him.
And he is better of, why you had nothing to offer, just a scared little child with no real power like him or fighting skilles like her... You are weak...
You could raise... Like i myself did once when i was weak before i embraced true power... Power that gave my life purpose.

Etaine peers seachingly at the woman. Her body trembles slightly. She needed someone... But who?

To give in or stay strong

Etaine sat hidden in the shadows of a large withered tree. She moved mostly during the night now and slept a few hours in the evening when Starlight when the world around her seemed most active.
The constant headach she had had the last couple of days, feeling like something wanted to pop her eyeballs right out of their sockets.
The darkhaired female with the scars came to her often now, never saying much only watching... And taunting.
She sat with the fine necklace between her fingers, letting them run over the moonstone, trailing along the polished edges.

Her pain was great as her tears trailed down her face leaving behind clean lines over her dirty face.
She could not help to wonder if he missed her at all, or if he had fully moved on. A small selfish part of her wished he hurt like she did, but no she wanted him to be happy, that had actually been her goal all along. She snorts, how badly she had failed at that part.
The balefull vaiel is stuch in her throat leaving her pain silent and her sobs unheared.
She needed to find a place to settle down for a while, get cleaned up, fix her clothes and maybe send Rabbit and Irenya a letter... Her few hours of sleep had been haunted by the two again... She knew that Jas forever held her heart and love... But Jerry, well he had always been so awair of her... She wanted him mearly to be there as a friend... But was it wise to have him close when she hurted like this? She did not want to end like them, they already had enough similarities with her and Ibelin, she dosent need to be a hypocrit as well because unlike others, she still knew without a shred of daubt that her words and actions had been true...
She shakes her head, she needed to stop lingering in those thought, it made her weak and unfocused... She needed non if she was to hunt in theses ghostly woods.
She unsheaded her dagger gripping it hard in her hand, she just hoped she would soon get better at this so she could get sonething decent to eat instead of things that wanted to eat herself...she moved silently into the night with a dark figure following her every move...

The darkness

She had been running all night, good thing the white lady had been so clear or she would not have been able to see anything. The blisters had popped and her skin started to harden. She did not get so tired in her legs anymore either, though the burn was deffinatly still there.

She ran like a chased dear, the constant feel of something trying to catch her, pull her down and suffercate her. She did not know where she was, though she had seen some lone elven like strucktures.

The constant pain in her soul... The battle in her mind between giving in and letting go or staying strong... But for what purpose... Why should she fight and not just give in... Irenya had told her that to many just gives in as it is the easiest... Yes it was... No more hurt, maybe she would just become a pawn for the shadows but at least the pain would be removed.
The light had given her everything just to rip it away and taunt her with it... A test some would say... Pftt she grits her teeth. If this is what the light pulls you through the to the nether with the light...

Her focus is gone from her running and she senot the ghostly figure to her side before she felt the freezing grasp of the undead fingers around her wrist jerking her to a stop and making her fall headfirst into the trunk of an old withered tree. She hoped the cracking sound was from the tree and not her head. She was disoriented and the tast of blood was in her mouth. She tried to get to her feet while pulling the dagger from her belt. She heared the echoing vail running through the woods sending shivers down her spine.
As the ghostly figure moved closer into her view she instingtivly tried to call upon the light, but nothing happened...
She was lost and knew that the spectral would now feel the tip of her knife...
She thought like crased trying despiratly to fend of the ghost but having no luck. The icy grasp reached for her neck. The cold feel running through her soul making her weak inside.
The darkness flooded her mind...

When she came to the ghost was no where to be seen. How was she still alive? Her dagger Laurs in the grass. Then her eyes caught a movement, the female form that had haunted her for the last couple of days.
She picked up her dagger holding it defensively before her.
The female figure laught a dark melodical laughter, her white teeth shining in the moonlight. She had long black hair that could be seen despite the hood covering most of her face. She wore a dark robe with a long cape around her slender shoulders.
Etaine shivered feeling cold to the bones. "Thank you" she whispered to the woman.
The womans laughter was cold and slightly manaching as she answered "i didnt do anything my sweet... It was all you"
Etaine swollowed hard feeling nausiated and the blood ran down her forhead dripped to the ground as she bent down throwing up what little she had in her stomach.
When she looked up wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, the woman was gone or had she been there in the first place? She shivered and sat down with her back against the teeetrunk wrapping her arms around her knees.
What had happened? Was she loosing it? Whimpers low as she burries her head against ger knees, the blood stauning her pants. She needed to run... Five min, she just needed five min to gether herself.

A visit

Etaine sits in the tent with her legs crossed over. She sleept a little, the bourbon helped... Still to strong for her.

Her inner turmoil and the mixed feelings from yesterday spinning around in her head making her all dizzy.

First the trip from outlands and back home... Spend a lot of coins to get that mage to open a portal. Made her think of Jas and the pain got stronger.

At home in westfall, it really didnt feel like home no more. She broke down on the bed, the faint smell of him still lingering in the sheets and blanket.
She cried for a long time before she finally pulled herself together.
She took a swim in the ocean to cool of and get a sence of self again.
She cleaned the house got Nell and Jack to her mothers house. She took the black stallion of her fathers instead. She had pulled on the clothes she had made for Reike as a peace offering, the hat would make it hard to recognice her.

She only came because of Irenyas pleed... Or did she need this just as much herself?
She left the letter for Jerome at the keg, before she turned on the stone with a beating heart and trembling hand. She went to the thunder falls before she heard Irenyas voice on the stone. Seemed no one else was on... Luckily.

Irenya came to talk with her, seeming very worried about her, offering potions to help her sleep and to tend to her feet but Irenya seemed to understand about the refusal and the need for the good pain.
Irenya didnt like the part about the voices... She thought it wise not to tell her of the woman images as well, no need to svare her or have her turn away. She liked Ieenya, she was always so impartial trying to help all. Even made her forget all the hurt for a while when she talked about Stoen and those magasines.

After Irenya left, the darkness and the voices returned like a sledgehammer, pressing at her mind. She thought that has Irenya not given her some of her strength and calmness she would have buckled down.

But Irenya was right... Running was good... She understood that part now...

She took the griphon rute when her feet gave up. She had a good handle on them.

Why did she come to lights hope?

She walked around aimlessly between the graves, the darkness whispering in her head making her not see Rabbit comming up behind her getting her all startled when she turned to almost stand face to face.
At first he didnt even recognice her until she pulled of the hat.

But the sight of him make her break down into tears again. He held her tightly, telling her everything would get better and no matter what they said he would be there for her.
She got annoyed with them all for saying such things, her rage making her burn...
She considered turning on her stone but luckily it was in her backpack.
How could they say such things allways so full of spite all of them so quick to judge...

She wanted to have him stay just to keep the darkness away, he made her calm down, but it would only mean more trouble as they would all think they had been together then, so he went off when the exchaustion took over... It was a short lived sleep and she soon woke with yet another scream of distress caught in her throut...

Be free

Etaine sits on a rockside looking at the portal, she knew that Shattrah laid somewhere on the other side, but also all the darkness of the burning legions. When Jas used his portals she had always felt safe, but this... She regards the dark swirling vortex. This was something else entirely... She bit her lip hard as she stumbled to her feet, she needed to go through... Her hand clenched the dagger so hard her knuckles turned to ivory as she moved slowly towards the giant gateway. The feel of magic was strong in the air, the crackling constant gurgling humm. as she stod at the base she felt the cold run down her spine as the deep whispers intencified. They were her closest companions at the moment. She closed her eyes clenched her other hand, she wanted to close her eyes but she knew she could not just stumble out with closed eyes on the other side.
She swallowed hard as she took the finally step into the black vortex.

In the darkness she was alone... A figure in the distance... Jas? She calls out, his icy blue eyes shine in the darkness before he turns his back on her, a low ringing thud as he drops something to the ground and is gone. The gem from the ring laying where he stod sparkles yet there is no light only darkness. He hears their laughters like haunting mockery. She breaks as the hot tears starts to run down her dirty face leaving traces on her cheeks. She should have no tears left yet still the run.
His gaze before he turned away. Piercing as they see through her eyes into her very core.
She feels numb inside, the pain melted into her beeing, stripped away her soul, leaving her empty and cold
The darkness threatens to devour her and she hears him call out her name... Finally will he come save her from the darkness. She cries out for him but gets only a mocking laughter. Her blood freeshes in her vains, she feels the waight of her loss pushing her down into the dirt suffocating her. The voice telling her that she had been living a lie every promise every touch meant for someone else. The voice taunts her leaving her frozen inside. She feels lost without his love to guide her
, he was her life, her life among the dead.
All this time how could she not see, she didn't want to see, kept herself blind in the dark, without thought, without voice, without soul.
She cries her sorrow into the darkness, into the dirt that is filling her longues. "don't let me die here, there must be something more... Save me from this nothingness inside".

The swirling sensation stops and she stands on the other side of the portal blinking feeling nausiated... The dark voice last words echoes in her mind... "Let him go... Give in... Be free..."

The noise of battle fills her ears, she remembers where she is and her eyes run over her suroundings as she crouched down ready to defend herself.

Asking for help?

Etaine woke the night had fallen over the swamp again, she must have passed out from exchaustiin cause she could not remember laying down.
She shivered with cold and came slowly to her feet. Her body screaming at
her to stop, she was not use to running like this.
She needed to find somewhere to post the letter to Nomine and what of the other, should she send that as well? She was not sure. Would he even come? She had not been a good friend... All caught up in Jas... She sighs painfully as she thinks of him.

She needed to forget, needed time to lichen the memories away, his icy blue eyes when he winked at her, his strong arms as he held her tight like he never wanted to let go... And his kisses so affectionatly or passionate
Would she ever be strong enough to face him again... Face them... Together...
The thought almost made her stomach turn had it not been empty already, not from repulstion but shere distress.

Her screams go unheard in the night as she reaches for someone no longer there Beaten and broken by the storm in her heart. The rain start to fall but she does not notice only remember the night outside darnassus, the temperature around her drop, she finally found her way to channel the cold.

She starts to run like ceased, the fluid from the blisters and her bloodied feet making it hard to not trip and fall... More cuts from thorns as she tries to keep running, the air in her lunges burn like fire... The land around her starts to change swamp gives way to rock, the damp air becomes hot... Then she sees the keep. The guards there look at her with disgust but let's her pass. She stumbles to the mailbox pulling her backpack of and finding the two letters. She looks unsure and only posts the one and the other comes back in her pack.
She cannot ask for help yet... She goes outside the keep again and moves of on staggering feet, she feels the guards talk bahind her about ceased people from the swap... Then she runs again...

Running

Etaine wakes suddely, her scream of pain echoing through the swamp.
The dream was so dark and alluring, the whispers of her love, of power to get him back... And all she needs to do is let go and give in... Open her mind to the darkness and all will be better.
The pain runs deep through her soul it is already so familiar to her but this is stronger. Then she realises that not all is her own. Her hand runs to the necklace she can not get herself to take off, his gift to her the one most precious.
Etaine looks around nervously, was Jas alright, the pain so strong... Did he need help, should she try to reach for him? He obviously still had his ring on. She whimpers in frustration her red rimmed eyes dark from exchaustion. Her torn clothes, the blisters on her feet and the cuts on her hands and arms from the running. The wound at her thigh from the crock, the fight had been a relive to her, the rage a welcome ally. She did not know she held such firocity neither did the crock before it layed dead at her feet. Good thing Jas had trained her, the knife he had given her was bloodied in her hand.

No she will not reach for him, he made the decission, besides Reike and the rest of starlight would come to his aid in a heartbeat.

She packs her few belongings before she moves on...
The blisters pop as she begins to run, but this is a good pain, something ti focus on...

All her cries and prayers to get him back will get her no where... He was never ment for her.
If she had stayed she would have fought for him... But she would in the end have lost and the outcome would have been the same.

All the broken promises, all the fake words...
No she needed this. To see them become a couple or just to know them seeking solice was more than she could bare to think about...

How long would she have to run?
She knows that he will soon move on... She never will...
You only have one love to give and she regrets nothing. He will forever be that person...
Death would so be a welcomed relif but that will pass...
The empty wound in her chest will heal but the scar will always remind her...
She will always be his but he was never hers.

"Please come back... Forgive my foolishness..." She falls to the ground, her low cries of agony runs through the swamp sounds like a wounded animal... "Come back I need you... I love you" The last is barely a whisper.

This will be a long run...

In the swamp of sorrowes

I would give up everything just to have him hold me again, say it was all a bad dream... But it was not a nightmare...
I felt it clear in my soul before i ran away, before i left it all befinde...
Will i ever be able to come back.

For a while it felt like home. I was naive i should know by now to trust my inner voice.
I trusted him, i belived in his words... But now they ring falsh in my heart as his actions spoke the truth... Sitting here alone...

I am not angry he broke it off, i knew it would come, i am just sad, that i keep hoping that he will come back.
When he said he would always be there for me, when he said he loved me more than anything else in this world, that he wanted me to some day be his wife and that nothing was worth living without me... I guess there was a time frame he forgot to mention...

It is silly of me to have fallen so hard we were only together for a couple of months.

I know i am not the first to cry over løst love and to feel the Schou of a brølende heart.

I can run to the end of the earth and still there is nowhere to hide from the pain ripping my soul apart.

I know i should just let him go, i told him i would... But i cant put the necklace away, i hold on like my life depended on it...

Tomorrow ill send the letter to Nomine... I hope he will understand why i needed to run...

Where to? I dont Even know where i am, just walking... Running until i almost pass out...

Each pain makes me stronger
Each betrayal makes me smarter
Every dissapointment makes me learn
Each experiance makes me wise

The darkness is like a warm blanket around me keeping me safe, the whispers so clear as they tell me to give in and the pain will go away...

Never... The pain is all i have... Now

Will he make the that special rose for another i wonder, has he already?
He said that that one kind was just for me... I hope that at least was one truth...

In the hills of Redridge

The camp is set up... I could not go home...
Right back to square one.

I left the stone and the necklace cause i need to be alone. Left a note to sister Brianna so she will not worry.

I will move further away tomorrow but where to, i do not know... Just away.

He told me i bring out the pure and good in him... And she the devilish.
That he wants me to tame him...
But i dont want to... I fell for his devilish charms and free spirit.

He loves us both and will not choose...
Why does this sound so familier. Though i never loved Jerome.

And again i was right, she was in love with him even before her and Ibelin broke, he told me. How dare she spat at me for beeing confused back then.
At least i was honest.

If i had not left i would have ended it... No more pain and hurt...
But i love him... And i need to think...
I know i need to set him free.
His words has changed, i dont even think he noticed.

Maybe i should just send Nomine that letter. Why did i Even packard it? Or write it in the first place? Did i know deep down that this was all a dream?

I dont know anymore... The darkness whispers words of compfort. I try to shut them out but they are in my head, reaching for my soul...
Maybe give in, find peace again. The promises of taking away my pain, making all better.

Moonglade... The whispers are almost shut out there?


- The ligh... Oh whats the point...

At the Cathedral at noon

I cant stand this much longer. The Cathedral jas always been a place of peace to me but now it is starting to feel like a prison were the bars are made from holy words and a bad conciense.

I miss him so badly it is starting to take its toll on my mind. Seeing him just befordre i pass out from exchaustion and brilfly before i need to go in the morning.
One week has almost passed and we only had a couple of .ours, a precious moment...

I am glad he has Reike though the darkess comes gloser. *sighs deeply*

We talked and held eachother close.

What is the point if this? To teach me suffering?
I need to sneak away only for moments.
My heart is crying out to a love that seems so fare away.


- The light give me strengthe to overcome this.

Sitting on the Cliff in Westfall in the moonlight

Looking back on today it is with mixed feelings.

In the morning i went to the Cathedral needed a change of books as well as a little talk with sister Brianna, she is pleased with the progress i do and surpriced that i manage most of it on my own, with just a few hr or excersise, stift and meditating a day. She said it would go faster if i was to come back to them, but i refused. I like doing this on my own, it feels right... for me.

I went to my favorit spot at noon just to sit and look out over the water Jas found me and i could easilly feel that i had not seen him for almost two days... Yes silly i know but i just cant help myself when he is near me.
I told him and he took me to those boats they are reparing, good thing they workers were off for the weekend.
It feels like it is slowly falling into placr between us. I can only pray it will continue like this but only time will tell.

I am progressing in my all three of my trainings, the fighting seems the hardest to me where the magic feels more... Natural... Still think it is because it is fire, the ice part will be a whole different matter i fear.

It is fun how Jas can seem so content with just sitting still with a couple of appels watching me train.
I must admite i like it as well as seeing him practice some of his spells.
He feels more at ease and i dont fear him running away nearly as much.
The magic comes to easy to him one is tricked to belive as one watches him as he handles magic so naturally but i know the limits of the body and the price that ones pays for channeling such power...

The evening turned to the neathers. I saw Ibelin talk to that West fellow, didnt want to draw any attention to myself. Tahrina came and West took of so i went to say hi, i finnally got around to thanking her for taking care of me after i healed Chit. Then a lot of people start showing up, even got a smile from Kalanthe to my surprice but maybe i was just surpriced because of all i have heard of her. Maybe i should try to talk to her someday soon, i think she likes chocolates so that could be an ice breaker perhaps. I ask Jas to come i just needed to relax a little with him so we walk from the bridge when suddenly Ibelin calls over the stone. That fell person or one or them has come to the bridge where we just were. We run back... Ibelin seems hurt so i try to get to him, but that creepy guy gets behind me backs me into a corner... I was trapped, for fell sake why did i not be more carefull? He releaces a wave of fire. Ohh the pain as i felt it puls over me, my skin bubbling and blistering, burning away like wax... It all got a little haze after that, i try to shield myself in the light, it helps and Ibelin dragges me away... Good think i had been resting ever since that training or else i would have been too drained. It took almost all my restored energy to heal the blistering and the burned off skin, and i needed to stop leaving them as large red burnmarks for now or i would have drained to much again and others might need my help. I actually think Jas teaching about the fire helped a little but to strengtgen my shield against it, to help me channel the pain so i could focus on both the shield and to heal it afterwards. It almost kept my hair intact and my clothes well not intact but not leaving me væld and naked at least but i couldnt keep it off my skin... Strange?
The by all the light they start biggerin after they have taken the man out. I mean come on... Cant they at least wait untill this is over and everyone safe.
I walked off my anger keeping me on my legs mostly. Jas comes after me to help and i dont have the strength to not take it.
Then the explosion. I stagger back, no one seems to hurt, an elf is fighting with that shadow woman but a warrior, paladin i think stumbles into the canal because of the exsplotion i think. I pleed Kal to help, she strips of and jumps in, some silly girl just standing there looking all dumb founded as a full armored woman falls into the canal, i would have jumped in myself if it had not surely get myself into trouble in my weekened state. I send Jas to help Kal. They can all seem so no reacting when it is not one of their own. But they get the woman dragged into a boat, and i get down there best as possible. She is still breathing so i take the time to find a dress in my bag for Kal, way to small for an elf but she manages. The woman seems to have a smaller wound to her side, thankfully not to much or i would not have had the strength. Jas gets us back up. Ally has come but i just pleed Jas to take me home dont have anymore to gi e and Kal said we could not help with that necromancer i think Kal called her. I tell them to go to the Cathedral if tvey need more as i cannot drain myself fully again like i did with Chit, that is not without dangers of its own. Jas pulls me into his arms and walks home, cant remember getting here so i must have dosed off.

Ohh i got one of those gnomish picture devices now i just need to learn how to use it properly without blowing myself up, getting trapped.inside it or worse...


- The light guide me and keep my soul forever safe

Sitting in the suns first rays as they fall over Silvermist Islands

Seems i still feel the effect of that training excersise, well it felt more like a regular fight.
I move out of the fight to the teint, Tikal just said they needed to get inside the camp not bloody take the tent, that was just Reike and Chits idear.
Tahrina sending a cone of cold over me to move me away, the chill struk me to the core like icepicks...
Shoot still need to find my notebook up there, forgot it as it all went to the nethers. That bird clawing at Chits face i was unsure how fare they were going een tries to point it out that blood was beeing drawn but it was soo chaotic.

Chit got shot well that is not the hardest to fix but the arrow had enough tranquiliser to put down a one of those Elekks o to mee a while to figure that one out as i helped Tikal and the searing cold from that spell it was all taking its toll on me got black spots starting to dance before my eyes as Tikel drew out the poison from her system as Jas got her warm i told him to use his body as he needed to save his strength, he was on the edge of collapsing himself.
We got her back and with enough strength to go tell that guy from the Oath off. I dont remember much after that only bits and pieces feeling left until Tahrina came. I need to thank her for that, think it would have been much worse if she had not warmed me a little.

Next thing i remember is waking in a bed with Jas standing watch beside me... In a tree. Seems we were taken to Darnassus to rest and rest i really needed it felt like my soul had been drained as well, a lesson hard learned i agree with Tikal not to go so close to the edge or i could have ended up in Chits place and that would have helped nobody. Strangely i feel some sence of belonging for the first time a sence of purpose.

I spend the whole next day resting there and as evening feel i went for a little walk, just outside the city. Jas came, that sweet silly fool had been in Dalaran just to get me a cupcake, didnt have the heart to tell him i dont care that much for cupcakes, to sweet with the frosting and all.
We talked for a long time, sitting in the raine. We went home, i was still feeling drained but his deep passion gave me back some of my strength.

When i felt gully rested i went to put flowers on dads grave like i so often do and i turn around to find a man standing and watching me, started playing with my head putting dark thought in there with his words. I was shocked when Jas came and told me it was that Garett West guy that Nomine warned us about, strangely enough he seemed somewhat genuine not evil like i had pictured.

After he has left i ask Jas to go train, i just need to get some things from home.
When we meet up later i can see something is wrong and seems Reike is sleeping with West. Jas was all worked up about it, telling me he was affraid to loose another friend, that he had been scared to death ad he saw me with West. Well at least that is fair but not sure how to take the part with him beeing angry that Reike is sleeping with West, would he ferl the same if it had been another i wonder? But i told him he needed to trust in his friend Reike May be hurt but she is a big girl and as fare as i have seen more than capable of taking care of herself. I told him that it was not that different from Nomine beeing with that Morrigan person. Told him he needed to have fair in his friend or he could end up loosing her because he didnt, that he just needs to be there if she needs him not judging her just beeing a friend. I think he saw my point.

He toll me to the Exsodar, was there with Milwin on my first interview, but this was unbelivable, the Naruu beeings of pure light and energy, i felt so humble in the presence of that beeing.
We went to a small island afterwerds to train, i were to get to this flag he put up. I did but i could never use that tactic on anyone. He told me that i should just have placed a knee in his groin to get past him. I thought it so thats a start right? No need to actually do it.

The training in magic left me feeling weak and drained again but i did it well it was a spark at least barely a flame. At first it seemed so hard then he told me to look at it as i do the light and to think of something to make me feel warm not hard when whispers those words to me five little words settimg my soul on fire. I know how silly and childish it is but i cant help it. The cold will be much more difficult going to take a long time i fear, well not fear as i enjoy træning just the two of us.

He is still asleep good thing i brought that blanket to sleep on, after our swim and our passion i had no more strength left in me cuddeling up in his arms i must have falken asleep instantly.

-The light guide us and keep our souls forever safe.