Outside the house in Westfall

Hmm was not easy to make up something to get away without hurting his feelings but i needed to be alone for a little while. Jst to clear my thoughts.

Last evening i went to the meeting early and when Jas came he was angry because he had gotten in some kind of fight with Reike, her calling him a love sick puppy only doing what i tell him too...
I cant belive her... does she not remember how it was to be in love...
Her words are poison and all seem to belive her sharp tongue
all seem to find me as a little tramp and i guess most would like to see me gone.

I had not seen starlight as been people who just takes one persons word and well maybe i should just leave them... I am off no use to them anyway, i cannot tribute to anything and well as Nomine and Chit said at the meeting Starlight comes first above all else.
I would never be able to do that i fear and frankly i see them slightly ignorant and fullhearted for believing in that... I would lay down my life for every last one of them, but i would go to the ends of the great darkness and back if it was Jas. All would just like Reike told me about Nomine and that Morrigan woman.

And then Jerry goes and turns Jas into a rabbit.. fool he is at times, not that i think he meant any harm but well still he should know Jas better than to pull a prank like that on him.
But it seems i changed his mood afterwards.
That was so intense and well exciting, i dont see that beeing the last time.

We went to the bridge to talk and all of a sudden i feel the coldness off steel against my throuth. Jas called RIPA over the stone and Jerry came there in seconds and Reike was amazing... yet somewhat scary as she took the man full on, thought she would have killed him. So much anger in her so much pain i guess.

Bet he did not have me put two and two together they are going to that Kalanth assignment tomorrow yet funny thing that both Reike and Jas are leaving today...

I dont see this ever ending Jas cought between the two of us. I am just not sure how to handle this pull away or belive in the words that at one time seems so truthfull and deep yet moments later seems hollow and empty... I really belive he means the words when he says them... but...


- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever safe.

At home in Westfall

We got the air cleared when he woke and he would even have my help with the hangovers as she wantet the punishment.
We talked back and forth for a long time and it just got us closer together.
We when to Stormwind as Jas needed to pick something up and i needed to get some new books for my studies.

When we meet up again he had a present for me well two actually a beautifl dress and the cutest rabbit; Jack. We went to a petshop in Dalaran to buy a leach for Jack. And well then the wierdest thing happens as Jerry has gotten himself turned into a rabbit how that happened i have no idear but we went to find him and Jas turned him back, we didnt really stick around to find out what had happened as i had promised Jas that date...
I took him to the little island and all was ready... it was perfect...
He really... really liked the dress i had made, the food as well...

And then all becomes more or less like a dream to me... The night was enchanting in every way... The ways he made me burn... It was like he was in my head...

I dont remember more before the sun woke me as it shined into the tent but i didnt want to wake up... Holding on just a little longer untill he woke as well.

We need to go back though i really didnt want to seemed like non of us wantet to return.


- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever safe.

On the cliff home in Westfall

I cant sleep, been awake for hours now but every time he turns in his sleep i faint to be asleep. I know non of this is his fault and that he is just beeing a good friend and i would not want him to be anything else.
Then why do they silent words cut like a knife in my heart?

Did Ibelin even think about what he said that evening in Shattrah? But he is right, they all are, and that is why i could not just smile and comfort him.

That is why i am sitting here with the tears running down my face in the night, unable to escape it all into the solice of sleep.
This emotional rolecoster is starting to bit at my core.

Well i will hold on for as long as i can... or should i let him go? Would that make him more happy in the end?

Everything was planned for tomorrow and now again something comes in to ruin it...

I feel sorry for them both well actually most for Ibelin as Reike has Jas to stand by her side like her own personal guardian, never wanting a frown on her pretty face. But who does Ibelin have? Even though he was the one to break it, i refuse to belive he is not hurting just as badly.

Those words keeps ringing in my head every time he goes to her "they are perfect together..." And i know they both refuse it.. but i just hope i am the one this time to be proven wrong as i will prove Reike wrong about me.

Shall i stay out here or return to the bed? To him? It was the hardest thing to pull away from him, but i cannot hold him close with these thoughts in my heat... I have never been the jealous type so why now?

Did i purge my soul in vain?
So many questions so much uncertainty...

He said that the broken nose was an accident, that she fell and well... With her temper and his words to be her privat punching bag i doubt it, but i can nothing else than trust his words, what else do we have if not honesty...
If we do not have that in this broken world then we have nothing and we will fall into ruin...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever
safe.

Watching the sunraise over the shores of Westfall

The necklace is so beautifull and the best part can not even be seen. I cannot belive he found a solution so fast and in between all that has happened in the last couple of days. Now it dosent seem so bad having him go away.
Well i must admit i am glad he had to go well not for myself but for him, having him focus on something else than me will be good for him. But one easily gets addicted it seems, gets expectations as the night has been so cold without him beside me. I use to love the night, the peace and tranquility of it all.

I had a lot of time to study and also meditate... it has been so long since i have felt the time to look into myself and relax, to feel the warmt of the light filling my soul. The roaring fire burning inside has calmed to a smoldering ember like it has always been.

I hope everything with Lumi is going in the right direction and i guess it must be for Nomine to still host the training for the new pathfinders. I wish there was something i could do to help out
more...

Well now i have made evertything ready for what i promised Jas and i got the item in time as well but i think i need to find some kind of work as it has drained nearly all the money i have been sawing those mages dont come cheap well the materials i wanted was not of the cheap sort but i just want it to be perfect. I just hope he will like it...

- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever safe.

In jasdevis quarter in the mage tower

Ohh i could watch him sleep forever, lost in all that he is.
Even though the despair is all around he manages to make me forget all the bad things around us.. at least for a while.
It was magical, all the candles, the dinner and the the snow around us.
The stars so increadable bright on the night sky. And that reminds me that i promised him a date
as well but it was swollowed by all that has happened but i think i know excatly where and how now.. just need the when. I cant wait...

I spoke to Reike, finnay pulled myself together and confronted her as i cant stand to see Jas so distressed about our situation. I know and feel she still dosnet like me.. that beeing said lightly but well just to be able to be around me is better than nothing at least it will give Jas just a little more peace, and maybe someday she will put aside her negative look on all around her and see that all i want ih to keep Jas happy. I know that i do not deserve him, i agreed with her
on that part, but i will not throw away the chance he has given me becuase of it.


- The light guide my steps and keep our souls forever
safe.

Outside the Shattrathen Inn by the waterfalls in the pale morning light

Yesterday was a mess.
First the meting with rolling hips guy Selasius i think Ibelin called him.
What he did to me, was it just to awaken something slumbering inside me and amplifying it or did he press this upon me? I am not sure but i somehow believe that it was not to cause me harm after all i was the curious one.

I know he means well but did he haft to go tell it to them, why does everyone need to be messed up in what is so personal to me well to us i hope.
Maybe i should stop telling him every little thing that goes on in my head and happens on the streets but at what cost. Will that make us drift apart or will it help as he does not have to worry about me all the time.

I cannot deny that the time with him while under Selasius effect was mind blowing... Yet now i only feel dirty after what he he said afterwards.I should have held back. Should have waited, been proper and all, but i remember that day in the dwarven tavern like it was only minutes ago and how could i turn down those burning kisses setting my soul ablaze, how could i turn down those longing eyes as he looked into mine.

It is all of my own during and i don't know how to fix any of it...

And then the explosion about that beautiful dreanei Lumi they call her. I have never meet her but i know she is Stoens love.
All of starlight gathered to get her back. It was so impressive seeing them all, like slumbering titans of old waking to rid the world from evil.They would all have laid their lives to get her back. SO strong and powerful they all stood before the tower. And all i could do was follow behind even though i would give the same sacrifice as they for the unity that starlight has given me, taken me into. I was more in the way than of any help.
Should have stayed behind, making ready for their return instead. But i so want to help.
I need to study harder become more focused again...

He said that he would never leave my side... I wonder for how long...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.

Jasdevis quarter in the mage tower

By the light... My head... How can they do this more than once.
I think i need to stay in bed as long as possible today.

But what a night, well the meeting was kind of hmm uncomftable... Mostly a discussion between Nomine and Ibelin. I can understand Reikes hurt as i have felt it myself only a year past but i remember it like yeserday still.

I hope she will someday be able to actually stay in my presence as i feel how it hurts Jas or i need to stop beeing where she is to aviod unessecary conflicts. I dont know...

But well after the meeting Jas and Milwin got under each others skin, he has a fierce temper when he feels stepped on. So many strong emotions...

Well the fair was exciting all the colors, the music, the activities and the animals.Think i got slightly to much to drink and i am paying for that in full today.

Rabbit came, it pains me to see him so distant but i can only imagin what he must be feeling seeing Jas and i together like this. I so wanted to pull him close and hug him but i think Jas would have misunderstod.I wonder what i can do to make it better? I pains me that i have come between them like this... non of this was never my intent...

But Jas spoke the truth... last night and this morning will indeed be something i will not long forget.
His passion was so strong and wild. He made me burn in a way i would never imagine. Showling me feelings i have never felt before... It felt like me could not possible get anycloser without litterally melting togeter as one.
Guess Jas is gonna get scowlded again because i dont think we went unheard.

But back to sleep, there must be something against this damed headach...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.