Yesterday was a mess.
First the meting with rolling hips guy Selasius i think Ibelin called him.
What he did to me, was it just to awaken something slumbering inside me and amplifying it or did he press this upon me? I am not sure but i somehow believe that it was not to cause me harm after all i was the curious one.
I know he means well but did he haft to go tell it to them, why does everyone need to be messed up in what is so personal to me well to us i hope.
Maybe i should stop telling him every little thing that goes on in my head and happens on the streets but at what cost. Will that make us drift apart or will it help as he does not have to worry about me all the time.
I cannot deny that the time with him while under Selasius effect was mind blowing... Yet now i only feel dirty after what he he said afterwards.I should have held back. Should have waited, been proper and all, but i remember that day in the dwarven tavern like it was only minutes ago and how could i turn down those burning kisses setting my soul ablaze, how could i turn down those longing eyes as he looked into mine.
It is all of my own during and i don't know how to fix any of it...
And then the explosion about that beautiful dreanei Lumi they call her. I have never meet her but i know she is Stoens love.
All of starlight gathered to get her back. It was so impressive seeing them all, like slumbering titans of old waking to rid the world from evil.They would all have laid their lives to get her back. SO strong and powerful they all stood before the tower. And all i could do was follow behind even though i would give the same sacrifice as they for the unity that starlight has given me, taken me into. I was more in the way than of any help.
Should have stayed behind, making ready for their return instead. But i so want to help.
I need to study harder become more focused again...
He said that he would never leave my side... I wonder for how long...
- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.
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