I cant sleep, been awake for hours now but every time he turns in his sleep i faint to be asleep. I know non of this is his fault and that he is just beeing a good friend and i would not want him to be anything else.
Then why do they silent words cut like a knife in my heart?
Did Ibelin even think about what he said that evening in Shattrah? But he is right, they all are, and that is why i could not just smile and comfort him.
That is why i am sitting here with the tears running down my face in the night, unable to escape it all into the solice of sleep.
This emotional rolecoster is starting to bit at my core.
Well i will hold on for as long as i can... or should i let him go? Would that make him more happy in the end?
Everything was planned for tomorrow and now again something comes in to ruin it...
I feel sorry for them both well actually most for Ibelin as Reike has Jas to stand by her side like her own personal guardian, never wanting a frown on her pretty face. But who does Ibelin have? Even though he was the one to break it, i refuse to belive he is not hurting just as badly.
Those words keeps ringing in my head every time he goes to her "they are perfect together..." And i know they both refuse it.. but i just hope i am the one this time to be proven wrong as i will prove Reike wrong about me.
Shall i stay out here or return to the bed? To him? It was the hardest thing to pull away from him, but i cannot hold him close with these thoughts in my heat... I have never been the jealous type so why now?
Did i purge my soul in vain?
So many questions so much uncertainty...
He said that the broken nose was an accident, that she fell and well... With her temper and his words to be her privat punching bag i doubt it, but i can nothing else than trust his words, what else do we have if not honesty...
If we do not have that in this broken world then we have nothing and we will fall into ruin...
- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever
safe.
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