On the way to Westfall

This is so much harder than i could ever imagine... I cannot go through too many more times like this. Every time he has been talking with her her comes back with doubts but when i ask him directly he has non...
When we are together he seems happy but not before going through this long prosees of removing the doubt about everything.
This is not good for him, it pains him...
I would never ask him not to see Reike so maybe i need to talk with her? Light give me strength for such a meeting.
But as his freind she must see that this is killing him and well we are not all monsters that want to hurt every one around us, but we are humans and we make mistakes.
I have told Jas that i will use every breath in my body to make up for what i did, but it is not at all cost... I love him without a shred of doubt and at some point he needs to trust ib that... in us... or we have failed. Oh please light do not take him from me just because i was weak and confused...

It was hard seeing Rabbit again but he can still make me smile even through all this. I hate to see how much this pains him and when it finally started to looses up a little Jas gets angry because he thinks Rabbits is flirting with me right in front of him... Does he not know Rabbit, he is a mischief, flirting is his second nature and he plays like that with all around him even the men - in a non sexcual way of course but beeing all sly and silly.
Why is it so hard to think about him? I have put aside all other feelings because i am where i belong.
Maybe Rabbit was right and we need to keep a distance at least for a while? But the thought of not seeing him at all makes my stomach hurt.
Why is this so hard and confusing when it should just be simple.

I really hope he listens and stays away from that girl... find someone... better.

I still dread tomorrows event... but at least i think i came up with a nice present though it actually took some time convincing Jas to give them one.
Why is he so hurt about not beeing there when they got married? Sometimes i think that he holds more feelings for her than he will ever admit, not even to himself. And it is easy to lock feelings away and turn them into friendship when the other is spoken fore. Well maybe not easy but easier then.


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.