At home in Westfall

It seems that we are getting no where. We are either on fire or it is ice between us...
Are we trying to fight a fight we are not suppose to be fighting... Together?

Home... He actually called this home, not my place or anything.

I stayed in Shattrah and well when Stoen was alright and nothing i could do, i went to find a place to take Jas to have him a little to myself after all this. I had heard so much of Nagrand and indeed it was almost a paradise, even managed to find the only appeltree on the whole continent. I bought that groog he said he liked and all, at for what... Left to myself... again.

I am starting to belive that i am selfish... I need to pull back, give him air and time to be with Reike... to prove that i am really not trying to come between them, it just hurt to come second to one i know is in love with him...

I couldnt look at the fight, i think i got some fine notes but i needed to go... I went home hoping that he would not be to beaten up when he returned... well he didnt return at all... Went riding scorched my shoulder so needed to change no need to get him worried... not that that was anything for me to worry about.

I should not have made that comment but well did he even care.. seems i was just annoying him or them.

Argh i hate this.. this is not the person i am, i understand she needs someone and that it has been hard and all and compaired to what they have been through i just need to shut up.

Why have i even started to drink when i get like this Ibelin is right it really dosent help... well at the time it does. He made me run off i couldnt talk about it more.

How by the neather did he find me, i didnt even have the stone or the necklace on. I need this to stop.. I need us not to hurt anymore, even if it means letting him go.
He told me about the nightmares well not anything else than he has them, well not that i didnt know, my dreams have been filled with ice and cold... and lonelyness and when i wake with the scream in stuck in my throuth he is like ice beside me, the frost and numb feeling tingling on the hand i had placed on his chest.

The worst part is i dont want to seperate him from her... or any of his friends because i DO trust him... it is the constent feel of beeing forgot. Why did he not just tell me why it took so long then all these images in my head could have been put away.

This time we need to find out what we truely want because we cant keep this up, we are both hurting to much...


- The light guide our steeps and keep our souls forever safe.