In the sleeping chambers of the Cathedral

Sister Brianna let me sleep her for the night... Why does everything get messed up as soon as he is gone? I feel powerless against it. Ibelins question ringing in my ears "You don't?" when we were talking about how others seem to view me. And well yes i fell as much as Reike that i don't deserve him, that he should be spared from yet another of what in most peoples eyes are all my own doings.

He will never forgive me... Reike will hunt me down and cut out my heart for this... but what should i have done? Ignored Tahrinas plea for help all because Jas dosen't trust my judgement?
I know Sehlanna will stand by my side with this... and well it felt like Ibelin understood my actions as well.

I made him stay with me the last night before he went away i could't let him leave...
Was nice to have Rabbit come visit and he seemed to like the place. Jas was in a bad mood though, he said its because he didn't want to leave me but it feels like there is more something he is not telling me... but what?

We went to see the tournament, but i dint really care for it and nor did Jas so he took me back to the city. We meet Sehlanna and Zarcon by the pond. Their feelings and love is so inspiring. I could only dream that Jas and i would find such peach in each other one day.

Then it all went south... Again
Tuskhira came with the cute little pup Totem. Jas had told me how much Totem meant to him and i was glad to see the joy in his eyes as they played but something just broke at the sight i am not even sure what and i needed to go... i could stand to be there all of a sudden, i think it was all he had told me about him and Hira about Draenei.
I went to get something to drink as an excuse... at first at least.
When i came back Hira ran past me not even caring to stop or anything. When i got down there it seemed that Jerry had once again come to my rescue saying out loud what i keep hiding in my heart.
I don't know why Hira should get so mad at that comment? Unless there is still feelings there and she would not discuss it over the stone either.
Jas didn't understand it... i am sometimes not sure he is capable of perceiving how much his actions hurt me at times.
I will never have him stay away from anyone but it hurts to be forgotten when other more... interesting things... are around.
We talked a little and he ended up leaving me to go to Hira... Just like with Reike i will always be the one left behind when they hurt or are angry or what else can be wrong.
I know this is who he is and therefor i try to push the hurt and frustration away.
I am so afraid to become what they call me behind my back... One that controls him and ties him up...

I went to have a look around on the other side of the pond, at the outskirts back there... Strange there was this stone alter back there whit smoke and all. Why does the guards permit that?
Well they both came running...i am not even sure why...i said i was fine...

We tried to talk but Jas got angry and took of with Rabbit right at his heels trying to fix it all.

Maybe i shoulden't have said the comment about us turning into Reike and Ibelin.

I walked after them... not like i could stay out there at that alter all night anyway.
When i came to the upper pond he was sitting by the tree.. Rabbit begged me to talk to him... And that little... Well Hira was there all wanting to help... I shoulden't have snared at her... I was just so angry...

I went to talk to him... it keeps getting harder and harder as he fall more into it all being his fault and being a bad person.
He is not and i have told him a million times or more already.

Ibelin came and the three of us talked about him and Reike, he had Reikes shirt... what is up with walking around Stormwind sniffing to her shirt. He really is lost i take it because that is just odd behavior if you ask me.
We talked about poems and Jas recited the most beautiful poem. How can that be the same man that flirts with every female around without even knowing. In some ways he can be just as bad as Rabbit the big difference is i have not seen Jas take it further. maybe i should find Karina and ask her what she meant at the last gathering but do i even want to know?

We spend the night together it was not as intense as it usually is but more tender and caring. We both felt the weight of him leaving but non of us said anything we just held each other close.

Our good by was brief to not prolog the pain. The thought of the ring helps me stay calm. When i went for my studies.
I felt at peace at evening mass until Sehlanna spoke over the stone her concern about Zarcon set me all ablaze inside. I tried to calm myself but i could not reach him... No answer came.
I meet with Sehlanna at the bridge at least i have someone to share my concerns with.

Then Selascius showed up... And i knew this would all end badly... Again
I begged Sehlanna not to leave me alone with him. When we talked and he wanted to take my hand out of concern i moved away like a scared little child hiding behind her mothers skirts. I could see the confusion in his eyes.
The Tahrina cries out over the stone. We need to go help her, but there is only Sehlanna and myself and non of us are fighters. Selascius offers his help and Sehlanna takes it willingly.
And that is when all the trouble starts...

First of all i am the only one with a horse and it cannot carry three, Sehlanna says for me to take Selascius along and she will follow as fast as she can. I told her all over the stone about how Jas would never forgive me and she reassured me that the cause was greater so we rode ahead. I could feel his heated body against my back, his heart racing with excitement of it all yet there was nothing i could do to get away from him.
I focused all my thought on the task at hand and it seemed to work.

Second Sehlanna strains her foot and cannot follow but tells me to go on and help Tahrina.
I guess that will be the dagger through my heart.
We found where Tahrina had told us she was but it was so steep, i tied Nell to a tree and started to clime up... but all the rain, the mud and the slippery rock and my dress not making it any easier. My focus being on my inner turmoil than on what i was doing. I slipped and feel, i almost gagged as i hear the horrible snap of bone.
Selascius ran to me and suddenly Ibelin was there... like a savior. Praise the light i needed one to be there and he was. Selascius looked at my leg and it was clearly broken right above the ankle, the bone had not pierched the skin luckly, he placed a skin on my leg and bound it tightly. It made me almost pass out.
Ibelin got his bike but i was so dizzy i could not focus because of the pain, the potion Ibelin gave me helped against some of the pain slowly. But i did not get the fact that it was Not Ibelin that asked about where i lived.
I thought he would drive me home and therefor he asked so i just answered.
He took me to the Cathedral to get help and he sat me down wanting to know every detail and i told him everything, it reminds me of when i had done something wrong and father would have a... talk... with me.
I had no reason not to, i have nothing to hide. And then when he said "And now he knows where you live" it struck me, it had been Selascius not Ibelin asking.

I need to stay in the city and Sister Brianna has given me permission to stay at the Cathedral, but still there is Jack and Nell and Missy, they needs me. So i need to go home at some point.
Will he be there? Has he brought Nell home?

Laying here in the dark listening to the sisters snore i feel so alone.
Maybe that shirt thing wasen't such a bad idea after all, i would have loved to be able to have had the same opportunity as i lay here and missing him so badly.

Please love come home to me soon, forgive my faults as i forgive yours.

Maybe i will get lucky and he will write me a letter as Reike had done Ibelin. At least that soothed me because that means that they are still safe. But why does he not answer me?
I am thinking of writing him a letter and have Ibelin sent it along with his own yet does he not feel the need to let me know about the ring? Or has he not tried to use it himself?
I will wait one more day then i will see...


- The light guide my steps and keep my soul forever safe.